cowards...

humility may not have got anythin' to do with bein' nice. even bein' nice may not have got anythin' to do with nice either. most of us are nice not just because we really are nice... but because we all make mistakes.. stupid mistakes which we know could have no way been made. but here we all 're. idiots. n' in those times we need someone to see just us ignorin' those mistakes. tellin' us the words which we need to hear. forgivin' us. apologizin' is just another way of requestin' them to say that "it's ok". approval junkies. that's who we're. we act n' we only think our actions carry consequences. but no. they also carry deep n' prfound anticipation. anticipation of an approval. it carries fear. deep down the roots fear. fear of opposition. n' it's a constant battle of psychosis in this transition till a consequence results. we don't really feel really nice till we receive that one word of appreciation even from the last nobody. n' only because we're weak to our bones... cowards to our hearts... confused as a milkshake... our niceness is just our defense mechanism to cover our bloody asses. it's sad. but i might be beginnin' to think that the nicer the person is.... the more incompetent he's. he's someone who has lost a lot of his battles... in general he's a loser. all in all... he's just a hypocrite.... an imposter. he's tryin' to fool you all..... to cover up his weaknesses... to disguise his faults... just foolin' around.


well the poor keep gettin' hungry
n' the rich keep gettin' fat
politicians change
but they never gonna change that.
but you n' me girl
we got the answer right in our hands
all we gotta do is

well the winds of war are blowin'
n' the tide is comin' in
don't you be hopin' for the good times
because the good times have already been
but girl we got the answer
so easy you won't believe
all we gotta do is

It's so easy, to see
If only they'd listen, to you and me.
We got to.. as fast as we can
We got to.. every woman, every man
We got to.. time after time
We got to.. vodka and lime.

well the world is gettin' weary
n' it wants to goto bed
everybody's dyin'
except the ones who're already dead
the answer we all are seekin'
is starin' right at our face
all we gotta do is

n' just like that...

i didn't laugh. she didn't laugh either. we were both laughless... formin' an auditorium of words within each other... tryin' to make an exit through just one 2 by 2 door. bottlenecked words are mostly inaudible.

the wrong was committed. we're responsible. no. maybe just me. it's not the guilt which is killin' me now but it's the consequences. n' the changes which encircle the periphery. my denial was weird. it wore the mask of rudeness. blame it on me. the anger was majorly bafflin'. because there wasn't any point. but i knew it was the grief. bargainin' was misunderstanin'. depression was tryin' to hide its way. acceptance was majorly pronounced. she apparently wasn't grievin'. what i meant by that was to me... she wasn't. it's just that i can't make such a statement because that would suggest i was majorly bold. you don't want to be bold. boldness has it's own drawbacks. in my case. it ends up in solvin' math problems mostly related to permutation n' combination n' sometimes even probability. n' that's another thing you don't want to do. you don't want to do math.

n' it's kind of funny when you're tryin' hard to swallow your anger. not even swallowin'. it's like schedulin' it to sometime later as you don't want to lose these moments now. n' that's actually nice. even romantic.

an ode to bolivian marchin' powder

it's a funny feelin' huh... you feel for someone n' then you don't feel for someone else. you make it look... as if you can't. n' you simply qualify for eternal mercy of a minuscule time frame... where you know you've not acted anythin' different.... or at times when you look back you tend to realize you were two times stupider than you normally are. but still somethin' works out which never works n' is known for that. narrow skies drown you... n' you tend to swin deep. most often it doesn't work n' you defy the whole world. it's a hind sight... it's stressful. it's alarmingly risky n' exceedingly liable to deter your esteem. it's unpredictible... it's unsure. in most cases it's a lie... n' in the others it's just ignorance of the truth. it's a loss of control... n' a permanent need of a dependency. it's makes you grow weak... it makes you grow lonelier. it's non-existent... it's confusin'. n' except for the fact that it doesn't feel so, it's positively borin' n' depressin'.

i hate honesty...

a forced dream. an uninvited night. a very long day. wasted surprise. a brilliant headache.. with just a book in your hand with a lot of words n' a pocketful of vocabulary tryin' your best to cope up with your difficulty n' to still enjoy everythin' written.

do you?

do you look at the guy who runs after a movin' bus to get on it? do you still feel like lookin' to know if got in or not? do you look at him if in case he doesn't make it? don't stop doin' it man... i think it's really sweet.

just kiddin'

either it starts rotatin' the opposite direction or it stops totally.. but it's definitely somethin' different from the normal. sometimes... it's just a cliff hanger... on-your-little-finger-of-your-left-hand-cliff-hanger. n' only thing you can look for is not a reachin' hand but nature turnin' off the gravity feature. not against gravity though... but thinkin' about it. it has indeed given results to a lot of things n' focussin' on biproducts.. it has given concepts like lookin' down on someone... or pushin' someone to move ahead... because the entities like up n' down are just not factors decided by height.. height itself would have meant nothin' had there been no gravity... we're either afraid of heights or we're too afraid of livin' low. the whole concept of laughter is actually flavoured by gravity infact.. or otherwise you'd have laughed like a bastard... when your cheeks wouldn't have felt pulled or your stomach spasmed when you laughed so hard. thinkin' further.... a joke on the moon would have been 6 times less funnier than on the earth!

makes sense actually. the massless always floats.. n' never falls from grace!

p.s. no. it actually doesn't make sense.

somethin' to share...

sometimes people ask me why do i leave all of a sudden? they ask why n' they almost make me believe that they really would like to know that... as if it's the last thing that's left unknown to them n' they'd really like to figure it out... as if knowin' this would make their lives better n' they'd not ask the second question.... "but why?"... i find it funny. i find it funny because they all make it look all so complicated as if it were some fuckin' indefinite integral calculus problem which was left unsolved by newton himself. no man it ain't that difficult to understand if all you cared a little in the first place to see the answer which was always floatin' around. i like the fact when people miss me or atleast when the believe that they do. i like it. i like the fact that they think everythin' would end in smoke when i'm no longer to be seen anymore as i'm no longer there. why can't they understand that i don't like the fact to be ignored n' live like a stranger all the time when i'm still fuckin' there n' nobody gives a shit. i mean why wouldn't i try to make it just the opposite n' when i do succeed in doin' that.. why're they curious.. where did the confusion package come from.. can't you see it's so fuckin' simple!