n' life always changes. the livin' becomes the dead. the dead becomes the livin'. n' even though i firmly believe in ghosts i wasn't talkin' about 'em

i agree with you. if only death could have been as easy as just walkin' out of a room n' closin' it down. but rather it isn't. the burden of life is mostly heavy. n' indeed it's a lot of hard work which has mostly kept me alive. the hardest part... to remain alive all the while. i can't walk through the doors... i can't.

n' life mostly reminds me of the people i had met. all of them were real. n' real people must hurt. a tears-your-soul-apart kind of hurt. n' i remember all the times when i wasn't ignored was actually used up to hurt me. not a moment wasted.. not a moment lost.

my last exposure to life was somethin' like a fountain pen write up.... with not a lot of ink left in it. the pen which was refusin' to write... was actually forced upon. the pen was jerked till it puked blue blood. n' the waste was fed back to it. the torture was documented in the form of lumps of circular paths which somewhat took the form of a perfect solid circle.. but actually it wasn't. the pen was made to write. the page was turned after everythin' was written.

i like fiction more than reality. n' maybe that's why i try bein' fictional. someone whom people have heard of... most of them still haven't met. n' the rare few who had don't quite believe in it. i like fiction more than reality because unlike the latter... fiction doesn't have to need an endin' so that people can remember it.

n' mine was a ghost-life long gone.. insubstantially but yet unfailingly. an ordinary life out of so many. with regrets, dreams n' hopes. both joyful n' tearful nights... filled with darkness yet some of it was full of light.

i take most of the correct decisions from my mind.. even though it is entirely grey. most of them get over ruled by my porcelain heart n' this mostly makes me a man full of contradictions. but they're not with a purpose of deceit. i stand by all my contradictions n' go with all of them.

i don't like to talk about any of my achievements. mostly because i feel the ones who know them are also entitled to know about all my under achievements.. n' the latter list is definitely a longer one. it's the same reason i don't want to reveal the day i was born. because then you must know the day i shall die. n' death is always more personal than life.

n' you may come along if you want to. but i must inform you.. you are NOT invited. i've been talkin' to all of you for a real long time. n' not in any one of those occasions i was actually talkin' what i really wanted to but tried givin' you what you wanted to hear. maybe at times i might have assumed wrong... but that can't take away the glory of my efforts. n' now i want to cut down my conversations.. because yesterday i heard myself n' i sounded like a poor old sod.