he smiles sorrowfully as he watches the sun go down....countin vaguely in his already rusted memory.....n' increasin the counter of sunsets....undoubtedly, it's his last spring....his back glued to the easy chair....as broken as he...n' every deep breath that he takes is a symbolic tribute to every taciturn heart beat of his....which in turn acknowledges all those tired breaths that resembles some part of a conspiracy theory. his brain no longer able to visualize what his eyes actually see....but concieves his own pattern from those indistinct figures that he makes in his environment...n' he relates incidents n' occurings with a zero correlation coefficient.....like when he sees that green color pick up truck....he begins to talk about the ranch n' it's sudden arrival in his front yard....which initiates a tantrum as a young one fails to comprehend those relations as he lacks those synapses.
he who once was the pioneer of buryin within his heart even a deluge of emotions....can no longer clandestine even the words that he constructs somewhere between his mind n' heart....n' people quite generously utter words of inadequate n' inappropriate attitude of sympathy when they see him talkin to himself with all the leisureness....but fail to understand that it's not at all an out of the world activity that he's showin...but it's somethin they've been doin all the time...all their lives....his words are only surfacin while their's presently not. but he involuntarily recognizes a pattern without even puttin any effort....when actually it's the stars that he's gazin upon....n' the cool spring wind adds up to his state of semiconsciousness....when his past is suddenly brought back alive....puttin life to every bit of his senses...which are long dead.....he quickly recuperates ...to find someone to share what he just saw....but how can he find someone when he was lyin in a coffin.
n' he retracts the elusiveness of those ruins of memories....as if he were watchin films of ghosts!....hallucinations of the highest note captures his mind....n' all his thought processes are morphed into one complicated....unrelated...strung collage.....those thoughts are like one giant hologram projected...one on the other.
he sees lovers huggin n' couples holdin hands as he sits alone in a coffee house.....he sees a young mother gettin her daughter a treat at Baskin31Robbins ... as he crosses the street...not very keen to be disturbed by the horns of the fast movin cars. he sees friends talkin n' laughin together...reminds him of those distant half-past ten story books named "Friendship"....n' he sees himself walkin in the long vacant corridor....with doors openin n' closin by the strong wind....a piece of paper flies off to kiss his face.....which is actually the photograph of the shipwreck..n' as he watches the picture....the dissonant sound of the strong wind turned tempest makes him scary. n' that fear makes him run...n' he runs like a chamois...n' he finds himself in a beach...the sound of the waves slappin the rocks....resonatin with his shallow heart beats....when he sees a young naked couple in the water....which marks an embarassment in the old man's face in his easy chair....but after a slight alteration of his posture...with a left tilt...he continues his thought process....when he hears the laughter of that couple...behind those echoes of the waves. just when the telephone rings in the lighthouse.....n' he runs hastily to pick the reciever.....when his "hello" is answered by a "entertain me!"....n' just when he begins for the show....the 2nd phone rings...n' then the 3rd....the 4th .... the 5th ................... with the only words....."entertain me!"....."entertain me!"....."entertain me!"....."entertain me!".....n' when he tries to please 'em all....his every attempt turns out to be a failed one...resemblin the chain reaction in a nuclear fission....but those rings multiply in decibels n' he holds his hands to close the eardrums.....eyes fiercely shut....n' he drags his back along the wall till he hides his face between his knees....n' his ears bleed while the phones finally stop.....when all he searches for a phone to dial a number....but those sets don't have number pads. n' he slowly walks out of the lighthouse....as the sun sets....while he carries his own coffin on his right shoulder....n' a wreath in his left hand....n' he goes on lookin for a space in the country side graveyard....n' he finds himself standin in front of his own fate....who is laughin at him....n' makes the final negotiation with the spot n' the space of his grave....
for it's not a death sentence.....but it's life...i wanted to fly
...but they stole my wings.
i wanted to live
....when they borrowed by heart.
i looked for a coup de grace
...as i headed for my grave.
... but he says "we're already full"
.. n' won't let me in.
p.s. he dreams for all the calmness...n' the beauty....n' the peace...to fill his brain....but in reality...he goes insane....i know it's already depressin....n' doesn't quite fit in that image of "The Wizard of Oz"...that they're playin.....but in my world...it's kind of funny.....n' almost makes sense!
well i don't see the whole of it.....i see in parts.....lips bathed with wetness.....with that whip slash stroke by the tongue....with your pen tip bitten by those razor sharp teeth....while you attend that borin lecture...hairs wavin behind....n' your glance...only for a while outside the window....seein a few young children playin in the mud....remindin you of your home...but then you gain back your senses...n' pen down a note from the professor....when suddenly some old funny episode craps up your seriousness.....you end up gigglin...or rather makin an effort to stop giggling.....just when your enchantin orbicularis oculi is excited to its peak....when there's this slight downfall of the skin between your upper eyelid n' your eyebrow...
...n' i only see that piece of chocolate...you unwrappin that chocolate...with long slender fingers...nails still unpolished.....with a motion so slow that reminds me of the strip joint where i've never been!...n' those lips slowly openin...while that wetness still retardin those openin motions...makin that action a gradual one...the wave passin from left to right...the chocolate finally enterin..while the tongue holdin the piece from the down...reminds me of the cradle that i never slept in when i was a child!.....that sweet taste of the choco excitin the parotid glands....forcin that extra secretion of saliva...rushin all towards that chocolate...showin no sympathy at all...fillin the mouth with more wetness.......while a sudden feelin of contraction in the mouth...as an effort to grasp the whole of the sweetness...remindin me of the anaconda which never attacked me....
...n' i only see the part when the bathin ritual is just over...while the body still embraced tightly by the towel...jealously removin even a drop of air between the towel n' the body...like a long lastin lover....while i only see that droplet which makes a perfect spiral path originatin from the neck..n' finally reachin the floor...through all those curves....while the face blushes....even in the solitude...while the mirror happens to be the portray...artists fight to claim as their master piece...reminds me of Vinci's Leda....n' the body sways involuntarily...with the music played in the stereo next room....the music...as if desperate to dance...somehow managin to enter the room...
...n' i only see the ball room....me standin in a dark corner...the hand over his coat....that ring sparklin so brightly...stoppin me to see those fingers......n' the hair showin a perfect centrifugal motion...as the slow motioned rollin is bein done in the ball...makin me unnotice every other dancer in the room....while the room is ligted with bright lights...i only find the moon as the spotlight to see their dance....
...n' i only see the hurried foot steps...in the effort of comin downstairs...as if everytime the previous record of gettin down has to be broken....both those hands holdin that long skirt..liftin it a bit...revealin those shoes...where those eyes workin in perfect simple harmonic motion...lookin at the steps n' the door...with a time period of 2.5 seconds.....
n' i imagine......
i guess it's time for yet another application of the concoction theory....a story about a girl....a girl who lived in the other side of the mountain....the mountain which somehow don't have a peak....she lived in the banks of the river.....the river where no ripples ever form....a girl who is like a non-sequel-ed version of a story...but with a "to be continued" note....a girl who is like a play....the playwright hasn't written yet...........n' i'm the storyteller who doesn't know her....doesn't know her at all.....what's her story all about.........but i still dare to narrate...relyin only on the constructions from all my ancestral peer births.
she's yoshimi.....a maiden who's not at all pretty....she definitely don't have long hair....n' incidentally....they're all straight!...she has this strange dislike for "wet lips" n' "deep dimples" ....... she don't belong to that insane group....those young beautiful girls fall....for she don't even momentarily lose her sanity....she ardently loves all those cliched variables in every equation .... her vocabulary consists of 47 words...which she arranges in the most unprecendented manner .. whenever she writes....yoshimi never learnt to play the piano....but still her mom misses her the most.....for she's her only daughter.....n' not to forget...her waist measures 26.998 inches.
n' yoshimi has a virtual lover...virtual in the sense that both have different grounds to stand on with varied altitudes.....but still they've a connection...through an unreliable channel...he's the pink robot who happens to play the pipe....but only on the other side of the mountain....but sadly....the pink robot never crosses that mountain....even though yoshimi always waits for him....n' always calls him..."come over...this moutain don't even have a peak!"...but the pink robot won't leave that land of machines.
n' yoshimi waits for him...everyday of her life.....sittin on those rocks beside the river...throwin pebbles...but no one ever notices...for no ripples ever form in that river....n' the story continues .....
...while she continues to live in those dreams of findin neverland.....she goes on longin for those diamonds on the rings of gold........but never understands that she's that hyper-oyster....who owns endless n' priceless pearls burried within her.....she goes on cryin every night.....failin to realize that she's losin somethin more exotic n' rarer than those myriad blue rubies...in form of those drops of tears.....n' she smiles while she's bleedin...lettin me see her blood which reminds me of those berries that can bring back to life even a century old mummy.
n' here i'm...standin in stupefaction....when all my questions seek one answer...what should yoshimi do?....n' i wonder if anybody has the answer....so that i can tell yoshimi.....
i want to take
the side of joy
n' have a ride
with this queen of troy
i want to see
the face that hides
in the vertical
lake of pride
i want to lose
my grip to hold
this sinkin ship
that carries gold
i want to brush
those shades of grey
i dream you get
what i wish i pray
want to tell the truth
with lies to fill
n' give you more
than the tax they bill
i want to die
in the world i live
to see you smile
like a broken rhyme
i want to shoot
with the arquebus
to make you free
from the chains of dust
n' here it comes
the innocent
i just want to give
a compliment
tailpiece from the author
this whole piece is purely fictional...for it exactly does not match with the real character.
if anythin could have been more appropriate than this one.....n' i guess this will occupy the number 1 slot for the definition of appropriateness in my dictionary....if anyone happens to read this.....just type failure in google search...n' see what's the first result...to me...nothing could be a better search result than this one....n' for the first time...i was completely, utterly, n' almost every "ly" satisfied with google...you're the best search engine ever!
p.s. Mr. George W. ...you suck!!!
i dream of skies with countable stars
i dream of nights with fathomable shadows
i dream of blindness to see the distant
i dream of lepers without any scars
i dream of darkness with the light of the sun
i dream of vagueness with explicit definition
i dream of a land with no boundaries
i dream of people all colorblind
i dream of men who know to live apart from dyin
i dream of birds with broken wings flyin
i dream of women incineratin their dreams no more
i dream of hearts with more room than the house of the whore
i dream of streets named after strangers
i dream of dryness no longer flowin across the rivers
i dream of sweetness, sweeter than the taste
i dream of greenness, greener than the grass
i dream of math included in love letters
i dream of final acceptance of the m39 theory
i dream of readin the 15th line of a sonnet
i dream of knowin why few words have silent alphabet
i dream of bells when tolled for the newborn
i dream of hearin angelus amidst colossal ruins
i dream of stevedores finally unloadin the cargo
i dream of amputees unfurlin the flag
i dream of zoos with no isolated aliens
i dream of drugs that work forever
i dream of me never done with my reasons
i dream of a convict with no accusation
i dream of amnesiacs remindin me my birthday
i dream of insomniacs sleepin for a whole day
i dream of my headache when i accidently saved the world
i dream of havin a dream in my dream, keepin me dreamin even if i awake
i dream of holdin hands when i cross the busy streets
i dream of the glance you give when you come down the stairs
i dream of you walkin on the mangrove swamps
i dream of you finally lightin those empty lamps...
tempests do create vortexes...
but lets you get rid of those ferris wheel junkies lingerin inside your head.
whirlpools signifies motions in rapid...
but you never find myriads of mermaids ever.
motion sometimes even are created by static inertia...
for how could i explain those endothermic combustions.
am confused n' even perplexed i'm...
for the ecstasy i find sometimes even in the prejudices by my know-it-all friends.
those my withdrawals from the warmth n' the hugs....
wasn't a corollary of my rejection theory.
but only doldrums of fearfulhood...
for Sycorax n' Satan always sung unrhymed dirges.
i don't have words of Pink Floyd....
even though i'm comfortably numb.
all i've got is love sick contamination...
deep within this shallow soul.
my garden don't have those red roses but...
a myriad of lemon trees.
n' no balloons can stick in 'em...
but only broken kites.
i'm not an acrobat...
who could make those pyramids in air.
but i'd want to be that moccasin...
with both the holes n' your feet on it.
those memories are films of ghosts...
that gives me company, the company i keep.
n' these words are more than words...
for they're the maria that keeps me low.
maybe i know not who you're...
n' maybe you're not what you seem.
but i never asked you to walk down that movie screen...
but only asked to let me wait.
i'm not sick of you...
even though you make me bleed sometimes.
but tormented i'm...
how you managed to turn me to a hemophiliac.
for you asked me to wait in your absence...
you justified so well.
when i never asked you for a highway to walk on...
but only looked for you in a corridor.
when i never asked for a kiss...
but wanted that coffee cup to treasure...
with your lipstick mark on it.
Jonnathan: hey!
Dorathea: hey!...so many heyz again!
Jonnathan: why...you don't like it?
Dorathea: i didn't say that....so is it one of those?
Jonnathan: one of what?
Dorathea: not highs....not lows...the in between ones
Jonnathan: yeah...you got me!
Dorathea: so...how have you been?
Jonnathan: i've been better!
Dorathea: so you were sayin somethin??
Jonnathan: yeah...i thought i knew everythin!
Dorathea: n' you found somethin else?
Jonnathan: yeah.
Dorathea: what?
Jonnathan: that you're a punk!
Dorathea: hmm!
Dorathea: so you're doin it again huh!
Jonnathan: doin what?
Dorathea: usin the backdoor too often...
Jonnathan: aren't they made to be taken?
Dorathea: yeah...just like the valium you take?
Jonnathan: maybe yes...
Dorathea: but for how long?
Jonnathan: eternity is heck of a long time....n' it happens a small part of it!
Dorathea: n' i genuinely believe that you've got one of your bull shit reasons with ya.
Jonnathan: yeah...i always have 'em.
Dorathea: yes you do.
Jonnathan: n' you never liked 'em.
Dorathea: not never.....sometimes....for you...even the crowd cheerin for the gladiators have good reasons huh?
Jonnathan: there you go.....always after good n' bad.
Dorathea: i shouldn't?
Jonnathan: no...you should...did i ever stop you....but you also needa look at the digit "2"....the only even prime number.
Dorathea: don't you tell me that... i also feel for those sonnets which only have a span of 14 lines...but not beyond
Jonnathan: maybe thats the reason....beyond is what is apparent!...n' you always felt i lived like a sonnet!
Dorathea: how can i make you stop that?
Jonnathan: stop what?
Dorathea: you can also become guilt stricken ...even when the southern wind blows.....
Jonnathan: you know i don't like these afternoons.
Dorathea: yeah....you feel like you're in some party you don't wanna attend
Jonnathan: but i happen to be the host....so are you ready?
Dorathea: hmm...ready for the flight.....a flight with broken wings.
Jonnathan: broken wings are better than clipped ones.
Dorathea: maybe if all the witches found a blair!
Jonnathan: maybe someday!
Dorathea: yeah....someday...maybe in some rail crossings?
Jonnathan: hmm....but only in opposite directions
Dorathea: ...but atleast for a moment.....you'd be there in the foreground....i always hated that background of yours..
Jonnathan: just like i always hated it....but that's destiny.....weather cocks never show the direction they actually wanna show....but why'd anyone care to know that....for they too are followin their destinies....just like the weather cocks do.
Dorathea: n' so are we....
Jonnathan: n' so are we.
Dorathea: so....on the moon then.
Jonnathan: on the moon then.
Dorathea: n' promise me you'd never confuse me with those black spots!
Jonnathan: couldn't even if i wanted to!
Dorathea: say somethin jon
Jonnathan: i'm outta everythin
Dorathea: maybe i won't be gettin any second chance!
Jonnathan: for the first time...."maybe" is soundin exceedingly hopeful!
Dorathea: i'm still listenin....
Jonnathan: just try to live the very next that's gonna come...instead of livin it that is already long gone!...for maybe then...when the moment actually arrives...you may get a chance to relive it!
Dorathea: but still....every right turn i take....i'm gonna look out.
Jonnathan: but i'm never gonna take any left turns.
Dorathea: why?
Jonnathan: that's the reason....too many why's n' a very few why not's.
Dorathea: but don't forget those neon lights....
Jonnathan: never...
Dorathea: stop livin life within yourself....the way you always do
Jonnathan: i wish if men n' mice had second choice!
Dorathea: need i tell ya that i'm scared?
Jonnathan: need i tell ya that i feel responsible?
Dorathea: but i was touchin my face with my hand!
Jonnathan: but i was the one who saw it.
Dorathea: need i tell ya that i'm so glad that you did!!
Jonnathan: why can't we hide....no matter how far we escape?
Dorathea: for someone finds you when you look for someone else...
Jonnathan: n' how can you ever hope for findin a red sapphire!
Dorathea: you can never hear the sounds of those fallin leaves when it's thunderin....
Jonnathan: then isn't it absolutely unfair how a romance is possible amidst those thunderin sounds...
Dorathea: but this time....my eyes were not even shut...but wide open...
Jonnathan: you never know.....the world inside the mirror maybe the real one....n' not the one that we actually live in!
Dorathea: why there're so many failed attempts....sometimes i feel it's more than the actual attempts!
Jonnathan: coz maybe.....the pages are actually written...even the blank ones....
Dorathea: are actually white spaces....
Jonnathan: n' also a few lost opportunities...
Dorathea: let's wash our hands with involvement!
Jonnathan: yeah....we can do that...for we never talked about any of those lackin relationships...
Dorathea: the kind that we have...
Jonnathan: hmm
Dorathea: you know we really fell through the ice..
Jonnathan: when we didn't even want to slip!
Dorathea: n' now suddenly...all our friends took a permanent vacation!
Jonnathan: when life was instincted by insanity!
Dorathea: for all the life of me....i can never believe that...
Jonnathan: i thought i was wise....
Dorathea: but i even thought i'd never compromise....
Jonnathan: but we still live with these sins....
Dorathea: let's go do somethin....
Jonnathan: what we wanna do?
Dorathea: i don't care!
Jonnathan: alright!
My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why
I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be grey,
but your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad,
it's not so bad
do you know why they still mourn when they think about jesus being crucified?....not actually for the "act" of crucifixion...for if they would have been really mournful...they'd have felt about satan a long time back...they feel awfully sorrowful for he was god's son....but can you feel what I feel?....pilate atleast ordered the crucifixion when jesus was still alive....but you....you first mummified me alive.... then when I'm finally dead....you watched me hangin on that cross....but atleast...I formed a piece of solace entertainment for you....n' didn't i make you feel like those kings who watch the gladiators to fight for the honour of death...like I always tried to..... believe me...that's one evil I felt I was so blessed when I was possesed....but you talk...you talk about "apathetic vision".....you talk about "enroachments"....you talk about "cocoons"....but I always felt about togetherness....i always felt about belongingness.....in the few moments that I thought I spent with you.....or rather should I say....I stole from you....but I guess I better take guard for my soul.....for some criminals are never forgiven....labels are ever ready.....labels are never endin....n' labels you're all gonna stick to my back.....n' I won't back off...n' did you say "entertainment"?....i thought that was my domain.....n' I thought that was not even your previledge...on the givin vertical....it's only the receiver's end where you belong.....n' haven't I entertained you well?....even before anastasia was invented...do you know what made me smile even in those bitter times?...for I was never accepted without those smiles....n' "my friend".....as you address me....friendship is definitely more than "appended corollaries"....for corollaries are only residues....it's the theories that are already bein formulated....but ironically....not with practical precipitates....n' you can always talk about synonyms...but few words sadly don't have any synonyms.....for I never found any word which can replace "co-incidences"....for I never found any word which replaced "contradictions"......for I believed I found nothin that could replace strangers.....n' my friend.....knowin what it feels to live life in a vacuum is sad....but I guess you got it......livin a life in a vacuum....when each day both your soul and the ones who "claim" to gauge n' verify the authenticity of the weight in that soul..... backfires ....it's not at all sad....infact it gets better n' better n' better.....which you understood with so much of completeness.....a completeness which even the supernova lacks when we talk about heat......n' "randomness?"....i thought you believed me when you nodded each time when I resurrected the fact that randomness is impersistent....randomness is only manufactured....only by our minds.....but those "calloused neurons" know exactly about the concoction theory n' also about the manufacturin process.....remember those times I told you I see my life when I see you.....i told you for I was real afraid....for I thought you deserved a life better than that....far better than that....somethin which I sincerely yearn for..every night i pray...n' it's really unfortunate to tell you that it requires a involvement with utter grief when someone has to wish his dear one a life...which not at all resembles his own...that too a life which has not fully started yet....but what difference does it make to someone who underlines words like "hell"....with "blood ink".....overshadowin those drops of blood which only happens to run in dfferent veins....n' that my friend is what i call "coincidence"...n' not when you ask me about the mumbai rains.....n' the guru affair....i don't remember if I ever started it...I don't remember even if I taught you somethin.....for I thought both our lives are already written on the pages that we already had read completely....or rather should I say...somethin which atleast I read completely......it was only I who practised the background theory.....for it was I who created it.....i never pulled no one....nor I ever will do.....what you felt like advertisement was only a sincere dedication to the admiration I have for you....but you portrayed me as the whore....alright then...I'm gonna be that whore then......someone whom you gonna bang whole night n' throw those green bits of paper that you've earned....your dictionary may have words like anonymity....incognito...maybe more....but my dictionary don't have that many words....but I got a few...words like "last resort"....but unlike you....do you know where I entered in fallacies......i believed in those words....n' even ran after 'em..but didn't have that solemn "wisdom"....nor that divine "knowledge"... like you had....that those were mere words crafted by a filthy white man who dwelled with his mistresses...n' only walked with his wife for those royal occassions....to guise 'em all.
...do you know why grasshoppers are green.....because their destiny is to hide in that realm of greenhood.....not from someone else....but from themselves...n' the token of friendship you mentioned.....what can be a bigger token than 11376 characters of thorough... brutal.... assaults on a deadbody....that too from someone who has 2 words per hour when it comes to typin....i appreciate the "pain" you must have been through all these breath-takin journies of universal distance of a few light years...n' I must also add that all those pains were accurately crafted in the most right direction.....for they drew blood.....real blood.....that too ....just two days before friendship day...man....could I asked for anythin else!
...n' do you know i never had to look back to find you...coz you never require a rear view mirror when you're on the wrong side in some oneway highway....n' i drive that one headlight vehicle for a time of which eternity seems a split fraction.
p.s. long live the pilates...
YOU.....YOU......YOU!!!
you really think you act real smart when you keep on askin me those prejudiced querries....that too over phone!
just to let you know.....
grasshoppers not only hop...but they also happen to walk....somebody like you can underline the word hopper.....but isn't always the case.....n' mind it...it's the grasshoppers that make those grasses look so pretty.....no matter they hop...they crawl...or they walk!!....n' on second thoughts...it's better to be grasshoppers than to live a life of a "dartfish"!!
n' regardin the compensation theory you assume apparently to own....you pretty much suck in it....losses are never compensated....they're only filled by vacuum....n' you know what vacuum is...yeah..it's the world that both of us live in!!!!
n' how can i possibly know how much more it's gonna rain in mumbai....that's weather...unlike you..which is exceedingly unpredictable...
n' why the hell should i tell you if i have a love life...maybe i've...alright i don't have...but so what!!!!
i don't have a habit of keepin myself invisible in the messenger.....n' i've got absolutely no intentions for stayin around for a while...just to check if every invisible character in my list is actually invisible....n' may be it's very surprisin for you...but i log in that place to have some quality conversations with my "visible" friends!!!
remember .... it was i who justified your "the most unjustified" call that you made to the one you knew had an enormous crush on you.....n' you said lines that you should never even say to a long lastin lover!!.....but you did....YOU DID!!....n' i justified you....you know why....not because i didn't know you were unjustified....but that's all friendship is all about!!!.....make your friends' unjustified acts look like justified ones....n' forget about any payback....how can you be so rude....when i didn't even make a real call, damn it!!
n' regardin the tone you wanted to create.....when you said..."you'll comment if you can.."....hang on pal....just to remind you....you've got absolutely nothin to do in there!!!....n' the only thing you can do is to ask someone else's girlfriend when her boyfriend's gonna come....n' yeah...that's all you can do...n' your words like.."if i can"....that too with a tone....is not even gross!!!!
n' when you pretend to be understandin what i'm sayin to you...forget about the understandin part...you never even try to understand me.....n' no......you can never learn what a matured relationship between two adults is all about...no matter how hard you try!!!
n' just to let you know....before askin me one more time in your everlastin "pinch" voice...."how've i been?".....read this line....."i've been doin absolutely fine....n' infact it's gettin better!!!"....n' no....i don't need to put any effort when i say i don't want to drift no more...
n' YOU JUDGEMENTAL CRITIQUE....WHATever.....just stop smilin will ya!!!!!!
p.s. .. everybody else.....please ignore this!
i wonder it's actually when that it's too late to turn back.....
i wonder when it's just too late to start afresh.....
i wonder why some books can never be rewritten.....
i wonder why some pages get turned a little too soon.....
i wonder why we want life a little more than just breathin.....
i wonder when we start only to survive just to keep us alive.....
i wonder why god is good only when he listens.....
i wonder how sometimes sounds are heard even before it strikes.....
i wonder why at times a touch is all that we need.....
i wonder why sometimes, it still hurts without any bleed.....
i wonder why there's just too much silence between two waves.....
i wonder why sometimes we find ourselves alone in a rail crossin.....
i wonder why can't i sing like Richard Ashcroft.....
i wonder why most of 'em don't like Jeff Goldblum like i do.....
i wonder why all my heroes die.....
i wonder why i still fear to lose though there's nothin left to lose.....
i wonder why my lips are not wet nomore.....
i wonder why my hair never gets straight.....
i wonder when i did start livin in the losin streak.....
i wonder why do i still wait long after a terminated search.....
i wonder how did you whisper into my ears without sayin nothin.....
i wonder how did you touch my lips with your calloused fingers without even comin closer.....
i wonder why real life lacks the ecstasy of backgrouind music.....
i wonder why can't we move in slow motion like on the tv.....
i wonder why i'm wrong about myself yet again.....
when i never wanted myself to be so wrong about life!.....
i wonder why we can't embrace our life like a long lost lover.....
i wonder why some cargo in some ships never reach any port.....
i wonder why people don't know about the world beneath the swamps.....
and i wonder....how do i fit in that world so well......
he smiles sorrowfully as he watches the sun go down....countin vaguely in his already rusted memory.....n' increasin the counter of sunsets....undoubtedly, it's his last spring....his back glued to the easy chair....as broken as he...n' every deep breath that he takes is a symbolic tribute to every taciturn heart beat of his....which in turn acknowledges all those tired breaths that resembles some part of a conspiracy theory. 
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