Live Soft Without the Vengeance...

a late afternoon...thanks to some unplanned plannin from a total shit case like me.....workin out a strategy for tomorrow's...."b" came in with the usual cocky attitude!...with a phone down his shoulders....me callin out loud..."b" not listenin to my "yells"...simply passin by..n' finally........looked back over the shoulders..........n' there it had to go....my last week experience with the "k" guys.....algorithms...programs...codes.....n' yes....failures..not to forget that part......a part which is no longer is a part no more...but the whole!!!...but that all sounded funny that afternoon.......accompanied by a bullshit strategy......with pages bein underlined....with unsure assurances....convictions stated.....with unparallel fears that guided 'em......n' a phone call.....phone call to "madhatter"....the purpose??..to tease him...tease him in everyway.....even his shallow love life!!...but that was our theory.....sarcasm can eat away everythin....even those pains.......for sarcasm can somehow manufacture subtle anger...though volatile...but instinctive...n' anger can somehow wash away those tears........a theory that's yet to be axiomatized...still got no numerical interpolations...but we tried...not carin about the conclusions...for they never care for us!!....but we tried......n' it didn't go too bad.........that finally ended when "b" said.."you finally gave up goin there.....or were you asked not to come there!!!".......n' that ain't that gross.....it only sounds gross!!...but infact that's not even rude...n' if you look closely enough...that was meant to be sweet..a sweetness which even makes the honey jealous!!!...but i better don't talk about honey right now.......for "madhatter" never accepted me when i talked about honey!!...i don't know why i always carry this "bitter" tag so well...or rather it's the "bitter" tag that carries me well.

n' a late afternoon is usually accompanied by a late lunch..n' that's where it was exactly headin towards....an open air...large spaced...buffet........n' the rains just replaced the lackin choir...n' yes...it rained...it rained...n' it rained..n' man..did i forget to say ...."it rained!"..........n' yet another phone call....when the fruit salad was just gettin mingled by both of us with those long slender spoons..with the 4 scoops of vanilla!!!........where you feel as if the pink red combination that drips in form of juice from the fruit salad...givin a look as if the white lady in the form of the vanilla block was bleedin!!!....this time the phone call was made to.."guess who??".....madhatter once again!!!...what's the purpose?...simple...to make him jealous...to lure him even further...to make him realize that even we're stayin 3000 kms away from him...which is no less than hell...but it still provides vanilla with fruit salad..n' elton john playin in the background!...don't sound so bad!!!

n' then the departure...for the strategy that was just bein formulated had to be deployed!!...."b" said goodbye...not even carin about the torrents.....n' that was only a "heavy drizzle"...or a "micro nano cloud burst"....somethin like the clouds thought of burstin...but they held it in the last minute...where only a few drops managed to escape...n' i don't know why..i somehow made a promise to myself...that i'm not gonna get wet.....huh-huh!!....maybe partly i was influenced to make this promise..by lookin at the guy for a minute or two....who was gettin all wet....n' makin strange shapes with his hair...creatin some semi spikes...for what??...yeah...to make his girlfriend laugh...n' i never thought makin someone laugh would have been such a difficult mission impossible category project........believe me pal..there're better strategies that could've been worked out...that would serve the purpose with the same "newtons"...without even makin a fool out of yourself!!!!..but anyway...his trick worked...she laughed...[**n' a phone call...not then..but now...calller??..Mr. Grossenhilfsatz himself!!...i hung up ..n' back to business**]

n' the tropicals can be so temperamental.....those rains are gradually gainin "torrential" status....n' there i was..all stuck...stranded...all i was hopin was for a rescue ranger.....but no one...i tried my cell phone network..checked if it had the potential to make me talk to someone i wanted to talk then...the phone rang........infact it did for 7 n' 1\2 times when i ended the call.....the phone network didn't have the potential...n' i took that as one of those "signs"........n' then she walked in....could i have asked for anythin more temptin....me stranded in this big mall....rains pourin down in buckets...n' our good old "kd" just arrives out of nowhere n' loaded she was.....i mean with baggages!!..n' a sony camcorder.....n' a brief conversation....while me still not really talkin ...but still thinkin that it was "kd" that's half wet...standin right in front of me..holdin my hand...while people might call that a handshake...but not for me..huh-huh!!...as i believed we both were "touchin" each other....gives a better picture to it then.........n' sounds a lot better even to hear myself sayin it.."touchin" each other!!!.....n' suddenly if my senses had gone numb..or dumb or whatever..a unusual behaviour shown by me ...with uexplainable reflexes...n' i act..i know not "why" i actually do that...n' with a fierce amount of abruption......i ended it......"it was nice meetin you".......n' i wonder who was more suprised to hear it with so much of sudden-ness....but i'm sure we both were......n' that was it..she went it...n' i waited outside...n' sadly not for her..but for the rains to stop.

n' those temperamental tropicals were turnin out to be judgemental.....n' 40 minutes went by....n' i was havin serious doubts...do the clouds really know why they're burstin in this manner...for i didn't see no reason as to why it had to rain in that manner...but it did...it did....n' it really did!!...n' did i forget to say that "it did!!"....n' i wasn't too sure if i really liked to keep on watchin "a crowd of young boys they’re fooling around in the corner....Drunk and dressed in their best brown baggies and their platform soles"....n' i wished if i could've played creole...but unluckily i couldn't!!!.....n' starin at those shoes didn't make me too happy..for i was more than sure that pair of shoes were costlier than my entire outfit.....n' i was lookin at the "Red Chilly" tag that was on my bag i was carryin.....n' i was thinkin......red isn't the best color to look at now....n' it would have made a lot more sense....had it been "Green Chilly"!!!........then this sign board was read......"browse the net"...i mean "the net"....felt somethin was "definite" atleast...i reluctantly walked in...for i again had to stand in the queue to hand over my bag to the counter..n' they gave me this token...."134".....n' that was my number..tellin me that 133 bags were already been kept in their stock.....tellin me that there were 133 more poeple inside the mall who have a bag..but ain't carryin it right now.....i know it means nothin more than a bullshit....don't even sound cool....but atleast a thought that accompanied me then!!.....n' i walked in ..that sify cafe was full to its neck....n' even those waitin seats were occupied...n' i figured it out..that i was undoubtedly the last person to read the signboard...i wished i could read those signs faster in my life as well!!

i headed for literally no where...n' i was steppin towards those escalators.....gettin myself in the ascent....i surely knew that wasn't at all the staircase to the heavens....but somethin always thrills me down to my cockles...when i step in those escalators....fills me with extreme hope in the positive sense.....as if i'm gonna meet someone when i reach the top...but usually the tops are meant to be solitary places!

n' i was headin for the casual wear section....but probably i was lookin more at the price tags...than those designs...n' i got a long list of the things which i really liked to my death!!...but couldn't really buy...but that's ok.."everythin" is never meant to be...n' "somethings"...well... they're never meant to be!!!......when suddenly we meet again...n' i talked to myself.."that's it...she has to be my rescue ranger".....n' i found myself walkin with her...or rather will make it sound way too better..i found "her" walkin with me!!!....

n' then it came...she wanted to buy a digital camera...n' all she asked me was..."do you've any idea about digital cams?"........"now are you kiddin me??...digital cams are just me!!...n' i feel i'm almost born to help you buy one!!!"......n' those words did the trick...but just for the record..i never said 'em...but i don't exactly remember what actually i did say to her...but i'm quite sure...the words had the same intentions n' the same effects!!!.....n' she took me to that cam store....where she had already chosen her model....a kodak 3.2 megapixel.......n' that was a more than ok for someone like her!!.....n' that was a time..when suddenly you feel you're possessed by some evil dark force...when pictures from the past flashes right in front of your eyes....that too in monochrome!!!...me hearin cries from all those guys who had been preys of her evil wiles!!....the eyes of those guys tellin with a lot of weariness....that their pockets were really made to go empty by her whenver she went out with 'em.....n' my actions were handled by my instincts n' reflexes....n' those words were driven with some amount of rush..as if those dark forces were actually fiddlin with the chords of my vocal box!!!.....tellin to the salesman.."are you kiddin us??..you still have these kind of shit around this heavy mall....come on gimme a break...you can't be sellin a 3.2 megapixel these days...when people are goin for 7+ megapixels....you simply can't"...."n' you....you're not really gonna buy this are ya??"...."why...anythin wrong with this model"....."well nothin "wrong" with this model...but there's nothin "right" about it as well...i mean 14" tv sets are not "wrong"...but just after the 29" one..it don't look so "right"....that's it"....n' i just walked aside...pretendin to attend a phone call that never actually came...but thank god..the silent mode...people always assume you belong to the lot which supports in practisin the silent mode....n' i came back after a minute or two....just givin her enough time to talk to herself...to battle out with " right" n' "wrong"..."so what are you gonna buy??"......"i guess the 5 megapixel one...the 3.2 don't look good after you said everythin"......."ofcourse it don't look good.....specially in your hands!!.....you're absolutely doin the right thing"...n' the salesman lookin in my eyes with a sparkle...as if they're payin me loud thankful blessings....as i just made a healthy deal.....that 3.2 megapixel would have costed her around 6-7k....n' now she was payin a healthy 16k!!

n' boy wasn't that sweet!!......i mean it don't belong to the "Die Hard With the Vengeance" category...but it definitely falls to the "Live Soft Without the Vengeance" category!!!!

I've a Long Life to Live!!

are these wounds contagious?
is there a grocery store that'll buy these pains...
is there a cure to fungus?
that clots the blood inside your brain...

do the clocks run backwards?
n' put some sense in these passin moments...
do ropewalkers learn to run back?
n' did the scare crows exist before chirst?

do all ascents lead you to the top...
did the clue on page 69 mislead you?
do some messengers get lost in midway...
did you see someone else's future in the crystal ball?

i've a long life to live....
n' i live.

i've a long life to live....
n' i live.

Who is Cory Thomas?

Do you remember---
What you wrote for me back then?
In that letter---
You told me you couldn't wait for when
we'd--- lie---
underneath the stars
and make the future ours
Well now, here we stand
it's just like you planned---

Here we are—now--,
on the playground, just us two
Capture this mo--ment--,
As we dance beneath the moon.
You're holding me so tight,
and everything so right.
After living in your letters,
it's nice to be dying in your arms.

Your green--eyes
say the words here in my heart
I re—alize
that babe, we've come so far
from—the—
Friends we used to be
and the distance in between.
Yeah, we took the long road
but we made it on our own---

Here we are—now—
Building our dreams with our own hands
capture this mo—ment--
as we talk about our plans.
you're holding me so tight,
and the world just seems so right.
After living in your letters.
it's nice to be dying in your arms.

Here we are—now--
and how the years have flown
Capture this mo—ment--
in a letter of my own.
to thank you for hope
you gave me in the words you wrote.
Yeah, after living in your letters,
it's nice to be dying in your arms--

Trust me on this!

trust me on this...

never trust your dreams
but always follow 'em!
they can never guide you huh-huh...
but they may lead you somewhere!

n' somehow if you be...where your dreams wanted you to be
don't think you're too lucky a man!!
for you're gonna be alone there.

n' somehow if you can't make it...where your dreams wanted you to be
don't think you're too big a loser either!!
for you're gonna find company there...
maybe the ones you never wanted!!
but then...you never knew exactly what you actually wanted.

but trust me on this...

never let go your dreams
...for you can't!
for they already hold the keys to all those backdoors...
that lead straight down to your heart.

dream....but dream not with any beautiful intentions...
like you're gonna make 'em true...or they're gonna come true...huh-huh!
but know that they can be your faithful time drifters
that're gonna stay with you...as long as your mind stays with you!!

n' know that you can't be busy by doin nothin!

but trust me on this...

don't be too happy when you finally see your dreams comin true...
for they only happened to be true!....just like one of those pick-up truck accidents in a busy five junction rush hour...
n' it's never a sound thing to be happy for someone else's cause!

but don't be too sad either.....when your dreams die before you do...
for it's only you to be blamed for that!
n' it's never a sound thing to be sad when we talk in terms of blamings!!

but trust me on this...

that when your dad said to you not to stay awake that late...
know that he's not actually too worried about your sleep....huh-huh!
but he's only tryin to save you from those open-eyed dreams.
for you may forget those closed-eyed ones when you awake...but can never get rid of those open-eyed ones!

n' stop talkin to yourself before takin a decision
for you're only gonna get to know about 'em after their outcomes.
n' you don't have to regret when they're not in your favour...
for even if they are in your favour....it's very likely that you're gonna forget which decision had led you there!!

but trust me on this...

never trust your dreams
but always follow 'em!

...n' god created woman!

"i saw a woman playin in the sands....i knew a woman who lived in the woods....reminds me of those playful sounds of delightful laughter.....n' when i tried to approach her.....she seemed more interested in talkin to her friend....in those swings beneath those banyans....but even mentioned my misbuttoned shirt as i turned my back.....n' she turned her head nimbly....just when i turned to look back at her..."

woman noun 1. an adult human female. Opposite of man. 2. women generally; the female sex.

....as defined by the dictionary...mentionin her body in perfect agreement with the Madonna...n' appends her ability as the factory to produce babies....n' that's it!

n' i wonder if god perfectly knew what his new design was all about....for even though he gave her a life......he never gave her the key to it....he created those tidal waves.....but created huge rocks where they gotta clash every now n' then...he always gave her......her past n' future...but i'm not too sure if that present was meant to belong to her!....n' she too begins to lead her life....but i've serious doubts if she leads it.....or follows it...but importantly....she lives it.....n' strangely enough i must add...the livin seems so passionate...that i get mingled if it's she that lives the life...or is it the life that lives her!

the child. a cry of the newborn.....a girl is born just now....n' i wonder...are those tears....tears of uncertainity n' doubts that always linger around her.....or just ordinary precious tears of the newly born.

n' spontaneously....a few brains get installed in her...n' let her see what they see....let her hear what they hear....n' strangely enough.....let her feel what they don't even touch....she is termed as the lucky charm....but for the family...for she's meant to deliver....n' molded in such a fashion....like a pot without the bottom....as if she's undestined to recieve...n' she begins to think....that she's growin....but a growth which is already decided n' predicted n' strangely enough....even concluded.....as if her life is only backtracin to it's end which actually marks her beginnin....like a rubber band tied to a post at one end....the end which is already fixed in the beginnin n' places the other end as her pseudo start....retractin it's way to her virtual end...n' she begins her journey...a rubber band journey.

the girl. n' very soon...she's made to believe that she can enjoy...only when she plays with a doll....she's made to believe that those poets are gonna get inspired n' write about her.....only when she turns out to be playfully graceful....she's taught that anger can never be a virtue of feminism.....but a right possessed by the male...n' whenever she raises her voice....it'll be termed as a revolution!...n' she's made to distinguish between a needle n' a nail....sooner than the time taken by a young cuckoo to sing...n' long before she learns the meanin of the words like "life" n' "decisions"....all those decisions of her life seems to be taken....n' ironically enough....they give her the liberty to breath..but decides what air she should inhale......they give her the freedom of speech...but strictly monitors her vocabulary.....they give her the chance to elect her subjects....but confines her knowledge....they give her the freedom to choose....when they've eliminated every other choice but the one they wanted...

n' with such confusion that is accompanied with her ignorance to her confusion.....she soon encounters a transformation of her body.....even before her mind is ready for a slight change...n' ironically enough....she looks towards her mother when she steps into this anatomical transformation....the mother who herself was confused of all those changes when she was the girl....the mother who turned to her mother who in turn was also confused....but strangeness to its extremity....she guides her girl well....n' i wonder how that mind gonna behave when those alterations begin...makes me wonder....as i was confused when i first saw hair growin on my body....but was that confusion at all?....when i think about the girl who saw everythin happenin....so slowly...so reluctantly...n' yet so greedily....

the lover. "there was once this woman saint Rabia in the middle ages in the arab world....she once set out for a pilgrimage to Mecca...n' just before she reached....she had her period....takin that as a sign of disgust n' shame.....she abandoned her goal to see the black Kabba..."

such is the prejudice of her growth...not only in others...but even herself.....for her thinkin is involuntarily influenced by factors that are extended corollaries of the responsible conspiracy theory...n' she soon surpasses her childhood.....n' sadly...she's made to feel each step of losin it!....n' soon she wants to be the woman......the woman she thinks that dwells inside the mother she has been watchin....but still unknown of the fact that the want is a mere repercussion of the rubber band theory that is only in its backtrace.

n' she takes small steps quickly towards the womanhood....while those syndromes of passion that are kept dormant since ages start boilin....when she don't even recognize that's heat she's dealin in. n' sooner or later.....she finds "him"....who makes her feel that those doubts can be headed towards contemplation.....those confusions seems to find refuge under the umbrella of explaination....n' soon she realizes that those flowers in her garden has the fragnance sweeter that the one in the wild for her flowers carried her essence in their scent....the supper tastes better than the once cooked by the chef...for she stirred the spoon...n' realized it unrealizingly....that she desperately wants to love him....only because she wants to love him.....for she begins to feel that she's meant to love him....but unseein that it's merely the glossary of all those lessons that were constantly taught to her...

"..there's nothin more profound than a woman lovin you...for when she loves you....she does that knowingly....completely n' till the very end"

n' she places her hand exactly in the right place where his hair wants to be stroked...messin up his hair....whisperin silently to make him feel that he's wanted...n' while she closes her eyes as she moans passionately....are actually her attempts to make him aware of her warmth for him....even when he's more bothered in the act of lovemakin!

"...go find a woman...n' you'll find love."

n' truly....he finds it instantaneously when he finds her....n' strangely....he finds it even more when he loses her!

the wife. "....i saw a girl standin outside the door...n' when she walked in...i met a woman."

n' suddenly one day....she's invited to her own weddin.....for it's only a sort of information passed onto her in the otherwise busy schedule.....n' the time period she's given to take a few shots at the acceptance n' rejection theory reminds me of somethin.....the time period the nuns give to those mothers who drop their babies in the public cradle....givin 'em a chance to rethink their decision of givin away their baby n' take it back.

n' sooner...she finds every curtain that she's used to hide in have changed its length....the sky she gazed upon in the nights...has a different window pane to look through....n' finds herself not only sleepin in a bed with a man she hardly knew....but also hears for the first time the sound of man peein in the toilet that she has to share!....n' i wonder those heavy breathin that suddenly makes a quick bond with her are actually symptoms of passion n' desire or effects of not knowin how to make an appropriate reaction to the situation.

n' it makes me wonder...if those nervous n' fearful looks from the newly arrived daughter-in-law to the mother-in-law n' the glance that resembles a cocktail of trust n' mistrust by the mother-in-law to the daughter-in-law....is actually past beckonin the present....or present beckonin the past!

but all those glorious feeds of tolerance...adjustments...compromises n' submissions are suddenly brought alive by the ever hungry scrutiny theory...n' strangely enough...she survives....for she's meant to survive....for there's no way out for her but to survive....n' soon she gets absorbed n' the sound of the closin of the bra hook in the mornings reproduces the sound of the siren in the dock...underlinin the statement that the office begins....an office that promises to exploit her the most but pay her the least....n' i wonder if sometimes she cries when she closes the door after he leaves for office....not knowin exactly why.....maybe for she's taken for granted as the permanent door attendant......n' frightens me the most...deep down to my soul.....how agonizin those household chores would be.....when she cleans all those dishes...cooks all those foods...arranges all those sheets....only to make it his perfect place to live!....n' all that with an angel's smile!

n' i wonder...in that empty house....if she allows herself to think about her old lover...her first love maybe.....i wonder in those moments of solitude...if she allows herself to reconstruct all those girlish fantasies that was once a part of her...n' think a little dirty for a while! but all those unverified thoughts are interrupted by the door bell markin the arrival of the evenin when she hides all those turbulence in a single momentary smile.

n' as the moon rises in the sky...while she removes her makeup sittin in front of the mirror....i wonder if those are moments of preparation just before she transforms herself into an acrobat in the bed with him...n' strangely enough....she's also able to to deliver all the warmth of the universe even in those cold november nights.

the mother. "....i saw a child in her arms....suckin at those breasts....that seemed empty....it was rainin with the occassional thunderin.....n' i saw her naked feet in the ground in that blisterin cold."

n' i wonder if anyone can account for the pureness in that milk....even when she's accompanied with storms of the likes of twisters both external n internal....they say...."the greatest joy of bein a woman is when she becomes the mother."...n' it makes me wonder why they don't say...."the greatest joy of bein a human is when you have a mother."....for can anyone else love someone with so much uncondionality?...just because she recognizes the child to be a part of her.....but i never like my hair so much...even though it's a part of me!....n' everytime i think about it...it feels me with so much of rage...for no matter how much love a son has for her mother....his love can never match the love his mother has for him.

"...i once saw a mother in a desert....with blisters in her feet....as she was walkin with naked feet in that desert sand....cryin helplessly for help...n' when i asked her the reason....she pointed towards the small shade under a tree...where her baby was lyin....with a weak thorn in its toe."

n' she can feed him even in the middle of the night...when there's no fuel to cook the food....n' i wonder if the boy ever acknowledges those steps that she takes when she runs after him with his tiffin....when he forgets to keep it in his school bag....i wonder if one ever understands the warmth she experiences....merely by puttin a blanket when he sleeps...n' i wonder why the doctor don't presribe any medications to her alongwith her baby who has a high fever..but she gladly shares his temperature..without even showin any symptoms.

n' i wonder.....everytime she looks at her daughter...n' the sparkle i see in her eyes....is it the reflection she sees of herself of the yesteryears....i wonder everytime she looks at her daughter's slender waist....does it remind her of days when her friends used to comment on her waist to be the slimmest one in the continent!...n' i wonder if she really tells her daughter....when they both watch an old movie together.....that a young boy once had told her that her looks resembled that of the movie actress!

n' i wonder...is it "she" that she sees in her daughter.....or is it "she" that she wants to see in her daughter....when she invariantly passes all those chapters that were once embedded in her....but ironically enough....she also wants her daughter to be free from those chains of pressure n' rules....while she herself is kept tied by 'em!

n' one day...she's informed that those young ones which were put together by her....have grown up....n' ironically....they inform her themselves!...n' i wonder how can she bring that smile in her face...when her heart must be weepin out loud....when she bids 'em goodbye as they head for their own homes....just to make 'em feel that she' happy about 'em.

n' so the life of this woman....keeps on movin...on unparallel highways....n' sometimes..they must have met somewhere...on some cross junction...n' no wonder they must have looked over their shoulders to take a glimpse.

n' she rides along....n' i wonder if she's ever able to get rid of that smoke of confusions n' doubts that we go on offerin to her...day after day after day.....n' makes me wonder....whenever she looks into the sky.....lookin for those clouds as to predict the rains...as she slowly hangs those wet washed clothes...does she really look for the clouds or is it the look of an expectation...to find a miracle from the angel of mercy....it makes me wonder...whenever she sometimes scolds you for without any reason...is that actually a trait of her behaviour...or a withdrawal symptom of yet another broken promise that she had made to herself last night!

n' then she finally grows old....n' then they give her a place to lie down....n' she's allowed to hear those laughters....when they share a joke....but not allowed to take part...."for it's kind of difficult to make an old lady understand a joke."....she's allowed to enter the kitchen only when a traditional complicated meal is bein prepared which will be quite impossible without her....when she's merely wanted....searched for n' invited....when it's the time for a family photograph to fill that empty middle seat!

.....n' everytime i find her talkin to her grandchild....a grandchild of an age when he has just begun to speak his first few words....she talks about her days of youth n' those glorious stories of her golden age....n' it reminds me of that man who finally got into the movies when he was 76....only for a 30 seconds nude bathin scene!....n' i wonder how she still manages to give you the warmth when you place your head in her bony lap!

n' i can only question to myself...as why no one can ever understand that when she walks towards him....it's not merely a "she" walkin towards a "he"...but a "she" walkin towards all those hopes n' dreams....that she treasures all her life...n' somehow sees in "him".....she yearns not only to hear....but to make her believe that she's really wanted.....that she longs to be touched...not only in the bed..but beyond.

n' somethin deep within me breaks apart as a clear sign of desperation....for i can offer you nothin but a few tear drops that are circlin round my eye balls...tremblin lips n' shakin fingers as i'm writin this piece in a corner table of this open air Cafe Coffee Day.

"...i once saw this woman
n' he walked out through the door
....n' i could never make out all my life....
was she smilin or cryin after the door got closed!"

tailpiece from the author

this entire piece is my personal recollection of the observations i made in the few women that came across my life....n' no...this is not at all a picture of the "woman" in general.....n' has no intention to inflict conflicts if this pictures don't depict the actual scenario.....but this is how i've seen a few images....that will partially reflect in this write up.

n' a Letter...

p.s. n' i'm really sorry dyer maker...for i couldn't do much for you...but i tried with all my heart....n' sometimes i feel...i even try right at this moment....i've always tried all my effort to give you a few moments to be enjoyed in this very present....but sadly or ironically....i'm not too sure if it's your past or it's your future....who never likes your present!...but i wish you to hang in there....while i enjoy my defeat here!...take care...take care.