"i saw a woman playin in the sands....i knew a woman who lived in the woods....reminds me of those playful sounds of delightful laughter.....n' when i tried to approach her.....she seemed more interested in talkin to her friend....in those swings beneath those banyans....but even mentioned my misbuttoned shirt as i turned my back.....n' she turned her head nimbly....just when i turned to look back at her..."
woman noun 1. an adult human female. Opposite of man. 2. women generally; the female sex.
....as defined by the dictionary...mentionin her body in perfect agreement with the Madonna...n' appends her ability as the factory to produce babies....n' that's it!
n' i wonder if god perfectly knew what his new design was all about....for even though he gave her a life......he never gave her the key to it....he created those tidal waves.....but created huge rocks where they gotta clash every now n' then...he always gave her......her past n' future...but i'm not too sure if that present was meant to belong to her!....n' she too begins to lead her life....but i've serious doubts if she leads it.....or follows it...but importantly....she lives it.....n' strangely enough i must add...the livin seems so passionate...that i get mingled if it's she that lives the life...or is it the life that lives her!
the child. a cry of the newborn.....a girl is born just now....n' i wonder...are those tears....tears of uncertainity n' doubts that always linger around her.....or just ordinary precious tears of the newly born.
n' spontaneously....a few brains get installed in her...n' let her see what they see....let her hear what they hear....n' strangely enough.....let her feel what they don't even touch....she is termed as the lucky charm....but for the family...for she's meant to deliver....n' molded in such a fashion....like a pot without the bottom....as if she's undestined to recieve...n' she begins to think....that she's growin....but a growth which is already decided n' predicted n' strangely enough....even concluded.....as if her life is only backtracin to it's end which actually marks her beginnin....like a rubber band tied to a post at one end....the end which is already fixed in the beginnin n' places the other end as her pseudo start....retractin it's way to her virtual end...n' she begins her journey...a rubber band journey.
the girl. n' very soon...she's made to believe that she can enjoy...only when she plays with a doll....she's made to believe that those poets are gonna get inspired n' write about her.....only when she turns out to be playfully graceful....she's taught that anger can never be a virtue of feminism.....but a right possessed by the male...n' whenever she raises her voice....it'll be termed as a revolution!...n' she's made to distinguish between a needle n' a nail....sooner than the time taken by a young cuckoo to sing...n' long before she learns the meanin of the words like "life" n' "decisions"....all those decisions of her life seems to be taken....n' ironically enough....they give her the liberty to breath..but decides what air she should inhale......they give her the freedom of speech...but strictly monitors her vocabulary.....they give her the chance to elect her subjects....but confines her knowledge....they give her the freedom to choose....when they've eliminated every other choice but the one they wanted...
n' with such confusion that is accompanied with her ignorance to her confusion.....she soon encounters a transformation of her body.....even before her mind is ready for a slight change...n' ironically enough....she looks towards her mother when she steps into this anatomical transformation....the mother who herself was confused of all those changes when she was the girl....the mother who turned to her mother who in turn was also confused....but strangeness to its extremity....she guides her girl well....n' i wonder how that mind gonna behave when those alterations begin...makes me wonder....as i was confused when i first saw hair growin on my body....but was that confusion at all?....when i think about the girl who saw everythin happenin....so slowly...so reluctantly...n' yet so greedily....
such is the prejudice of her growth...not only in others...but even herself.....for her thinkin is involuntarily influenced by factors that are extended corollaries of the responsible conspiracy theory...n' she soon surpasses her childhood.....n' sadly...she's made to feel each step of losin it!....n' soon she wants to be the woman......the woman she thinks that dwells inside the mother she has been watchin....but still unknown of the fact that the want is a mere repercussion of the rubber band theory that is only in its backtrace.
n' she takes small steps quickly towards the womanhood....while those syndromes of passion that are kept dormant since ages start boilin....when she don't even recognize that's heat she's dealin in. n' sooner or later.....she finds "him"....who makes her feel that those doubts can be headed towards contemplation.....those confusions seems to find refuge under the umbrella of explaination....n' soon she realizes that those flowers in her garden has the fragnance sweeter that the one in the wild for her flowers carried her essence in their scent....the supper tastes better than the once cooked by the chef...for she stirred the spoon...n' realized it unrealizingly....that she desperately wants to love him....only because she wants to love him.....for she begins to feel that she's meant to love him....but unseein that it's merely the glossary of all those lessons that were constantly taught to her...
n' she places her hand exactly in the right place where his hair wants to be stroked...messin up his hair....whisperin silently to make him feel that he's wanted...n' while she closes her eyes as she moans passionately....are actually her attempts to make him aware of her warmth for him....even when he's more bothered in the act of lovemakin!
n' truly....he finds it instantaneously when he finds her....n' strangely....he finds it even more when he loses her!
the wife. "....i saw a girl standin outside the door...n' when she walked in...i met a woman."
n' suddenly one day....she's invited to her own weddin.....for it's only a sort of information passed onto her in the otherwise busy schedule.....n' the time period she's given to take a few shots at the acceptance n' rejection theory reminds me of somethin.....the time period the nuns give to those mothers who drop their babies in the public cradle....givin 'em a chance to rethink their decision of givin away their baby n' take it back.
n' sooner...she finds every curtain that she's used to hide in have changed its length....the sky she gazed upon in the nights...has a different window pane to look through....n' finds herself not only sleepin in a bed with a man she hardly knew....but also hears for the first time the sound of man peein in the toilet that she has to share!....n' i wonder those heavy breathin that suddenly makes a quick bond with her are actually symptoms of passion n' desire or effects of not knowin how to make an appropriate reaction to the situation.
n' it makes me wonder...if those nervous n' fearful looks from the newly arrived daughter-in-law to the mother-in-law n' the glance that resembles a cocktail of trust n' mistrust by the mother-in-law to the daughter-in-law....is actually past beckonin the present....or present beckonin the past!
but all those glorious feeds of tolerance...adjustments...compromises n' submissions are suddenly brought alive by the ever hungry scrutiny theory...n' strangely enough...she survives....for she's meant to survive....for there's no way out for her but to survive....n' soon she gets absorbed n' the sound of the closin of the bra hook in the mornings reproduces the sound of the siren in the dock...underlinin the statement that the office begins....an office that promises to exploit her the most but pay her the least....n' i wonder if sometimes she cries when she closes the door after he leaves for office....not knowin exactly why.....maybe for she's taken for granted as the permanent door attendant......n' frightens me the most...deep down to my soul.....how agonizin those household chores would be.....when she cleans all those dishes...cooks all those foods...arranges all those sheets....only to make it his perfect place to live!....n' all that with an angel's smile!
n' i wonder...in that empty house....if she allows herself to think about her old lover...her first love maybe.....i wonder in those moments of solitude...if she allows herself to reconstruct all those girlish fantasies that was once a part of her...n' think a little dirty for a while! but all those unverified thoughts are interrupted by the door bell markin the arrival of the evenin when she hides all those turbulence in a single momentary smile.
n' as the moon rises in the sky...while she removes her makeup sittin in front of the mirror....i wonder if those are moments of preparation just before she transforms herself into an acrobat in the bed with him...n' strangely enough....she's also able to to deliver all the warmth of the universe even in those cold november nights.
the mother. "....i saw a child in her arms....suckin at those breasts....that seemed empty....it was rainin with the occassional thunderin.....n' i saw her naked feet in the ground in that blisterin cold."
n' i wonder if anyone can account for the pureness in that milk....even when she's accompanied with storms of the likes of twisters both external n internal....they say...."the greatest joy of bein a woman is when she becomes the mother."...n' it makes me wonder why they don't say...."the greatest joy of bein a human is when you have a mother."....for can anyone else love someone with so much uncondionality?...just because she recognizes the child to be a part of her.....but i never like my hair so much...even though it's a part of me!....n' everytime i think about it...it feels me with so much of rage...for no matter how much love a son has for her mother....his love can never match the love his mother has for him.
n' she can feed him even in the middle of the night...when there's no fuel to cook the food....n' i wonder if the boy ever acknowledges those steps that she takes when she runs after him with his tiffin....when he forgets to keep it in his school bag....i wonder if one ever understands the warmth she experiences....merely by puttin a blanket when he sleeps...n' i wonder why the doctor don't presribe any medications to her alongwith her baby who has a high fever..but she gladly shares his temperature..without even showin any symptoms.
n' i wonder.....everytime she looks at her daughter...n' the sparkle i see in her eyes....is it the reflection she sees of herself of the yesteryears....i wonder everytime she looks at her daughter's slender waist....does it remind her of days when her friends used to comment on her waist to be the slimmest one in the continent!...n' i wonder if she really tells her daughter....when they both watch an old movie together.....that a young boy once had told her that her looks resembled that of the movie actress!
n' i wonder...is it "she" that she sees in her daughter.....or is it "she" that she wants to see in her daughter....when she invariantly passes all those chapters that were once embedded in her....but ironically enough....she also wants her daughter to be free from those chains of pressure n' rules....while she herself is kept tied by 'em!
n' one day...she's informed that those young ones which were put together by her....have grown up....n' ironically....they inform her themselves!...n' i wonder how can she bring that smile in her face...when her heart must be weepin out loud....when she bids 'em goodbye as they head for their own homes....just to make 'em feel that she' happy about 'em.
n' so the life of this woman....keeps on movin...on unparallel highways....n' sometimes..they must have met somewhere...on some cross junction...n' no wonder they must have looked over their shoulders to take a glimpse.
n' she rides along....n' i wonder if she's ever able to get rid of that smoke of confusions n' doubts that we go on offerin to her...day after day after day.....n' makes me wonder....whenever she looks into the sky.....lookin for those clouds as to predict the rains...as she slowly hangs those wet washed clothes...does she really look for the clouds or is it the look of an expectation...to find a miracle from the angel of mercy....it makes me wonder...whenever she sometimes scolds you for without any reason...is that actually a trait of her behaviour...or a withdrawal symptom of yet another broken promise that she had made to herself last night!
n' then she finally grows old....n' then they give her a place to lie down....n' she's allowed to hear those laughters....when they share a joke....but not allowed to take part...."for it's kind of difficult to make an old lady understand a joke."....she's allowed to enter the kitchen only when a traditional complicated meal is bein prepared which will be quite impossible without her....when she's merely wanted....searched for n' invited....when it's the time for a family photograph to fill that empty middle seat!
.....n' everytime i find her talkin to her grandchild....a grandchild of an age when he has just begun to speak his first few words....she talks about her days of youth n' those glorious stories of her golden age....n' it reminds me of that man who finally got into the movies when he was 76....only for a 30 seconds nude bathin scene!....n' i wonder how she still manages to give you the warmth when you place your head in her bony lap!
n' i can only question to myself...as why no one can ever understand that when she walks towards him....it's not merely a "she" walkin towards a "he"...but a "she" walkin towards all those hopes n' dreams....that she treasures all her life...n' somehow sees in "him".....she yearns not only to hear....but to make her believe that she's really wanted.....that she longs to be touched...not only in the bed..but beyond.
n' somethin deep within me breaks apart as a clear sign of desperation....for i can offer you nothin but a few tear drops that are circlin round my eye balls...tremblin lips n' shakin fingers as i'm writin this piece in a corner table of this open air Cafe Coffee Day.
tailpiece from the author
this entire piece is my personal recollection of the observations i made in the few women that came across my life....n' no...this is not at all a picture of the "woman" in general.....n' has no intention to inflict conflicts if this pictures don't depict the actual scenario.....but this is how i've seen a few images....that will partially reflect in this write up.
woman noun 1. an adult human female. Opposite of man. 2. women generally; the female sex.
....as defined by the dictionary...mentionin her body in perfect agreement with the Madonna...n' appends her ability as the factory to produce babies....n' that's it!
n' i wonder if god perfectly knew what his new design was all about....for even though he gave her a life......he never gave her the key to it....he created those tidal waves.....but created huge rocks where they gotta clash every now n' then...he always gave her......her past n' future...but i'm not too sure if that present was meant to belong to her!....n' she too begins to lead her life....but i've serious doubts if she leads it.....or follows it...but importantly....she lives it.....n' strangely enough i must add...the livin seems so passionate...that i get mingled if it's she that lives the life...or is it the life that lives her!
the child. a cry of the newborn.....a girl is born just now....n' i wonder...are those tears....tears of uncertainity n' doubts that always linger around her.....or just ordinary precious tears of the newly born.
n' spontaneously....a few brains get installed in her...n' let her see what they see....let her hear what they hear....n' strangely enough.....let her feel what they don't even touch....she is termed as the lucky charm....but for the family...for she's meant to deliver....n' molded in such a fashion....like a pot without the bottom....as if she's undestined to recieve...n' she begins to think....that she's growin....but a growth which is already decided n' predicted n' strangely enough....even concluded.....as if her life is only backtracin to it's end which actually marks her beginnin....like a rubber band tied to a post at one end....the end which is already fixed in the beginnin n' places the other end as her pseudo start....retractin it's way to her virtual end...n' she begins her journey...a rubber band journey.
the girl. n' very soon...she's made to believe that she can enjoy...only when she plays with a doll....she's made to believe that those poets are gonna get inspired n' write about her.....only when she turns out to be playfully graceful....she's taught that anger can never be a virtue of feminism.....but a right possessed by the male...n' whenever she raises her voice....it'll be termed as a revolution!...n' she's made to distinguish between a needle n' a nail....sooner than the time taken by a young cuckoo to sing...n' long before she learns the meanin of the words like "life" n' "decisions"....all those decisions of her life seems to be taken....n' ironically enough....they give her the liberty to breath..but decides what air she should inhale......they give her the freedom of speech...but strictly monitors her vocabulary.....they give her the chance to elect her subjects....but confines her knowledge....they give her the freedom to choose....when they've eliminated every other choice but the one they wanted...
n' with such confusion that is accompanied with her ignorance to her confusion.....she soon encounters a transformation of her body.....even before her mind is ready for a slight change...n' ironically enough....she looks towards her mother when she steps into this anatomical transformation....the mother who herself was confused of all those changes when she was the girl....the mother who turned to her mother who in turn was also confused....but strangeness to its extremity....she guides her girl well....n' i wonder how that mind gonna behave when those alterations begin...makes me wonder....as i was confused when i first saw hair growin on my body....but was that confusion at all?....when i think about the girl who saw everythin happenin....so slowly...so reluctantly...n' yet so greedily....
the lover. "there was once this woman saint Rabia in the middle ages in the arab world....she once set out for a pilgrimage to Mecca...n' just before she reached....she had her period....takin that as a sign of disgust n' shame.....she abandoned her goal to see the black Kabba..."
such is the prejudice of her growth...not only in others...but even herself.....for her thinkin is involuntarily influenced by factors that are extended corollaries of the responsible conspiracy theory...n' she soon surpasses her childhood.....n' sadly...she's made to feel each step of losin it!....n' soon she wants to be the woman......the woman she thinks that dwells inside the mother she has been watchin....but still unknown of the fact that the want is a mere repercussion of the rubber band theory that is only in its backtrace.
n' she takes small steps quickly towards the womanhood....while those syndromes of passion that are kept dormant since ages start boilin....when she don't even recognize that's heat she's dealin in. n' sooner or later.....she finds "him"....who makes her feel that those doubts can be headed towards contemplation.....those confusions seems to find refuge under the umbrella of explaination....n' soon she realizes that those flowers in her garden has the fragnance sweeter that the one in the wild for her flowers carried her essence in their scent....the supper tastes better than the once cooked by the chef...for she stirred the spoon...n' realized it unrealizingly....that she desperately wants to love him....only because she wants to love him.....for she begins to feel that she's meant to love him....but unseein that it's merely the glossary of all those lessons that were constantly taught to her...
"..there's nothin more profound than a woman lovin you...for when she loves you....she does that knowingly....completely n' till the very end"
n' she places her hand exactly in the right place where his hair wants to be stroked...messin up his hair....whisperin silently to make him feel that he's wanted...n' while she closes her eyes as she moans passionately....are actually her attempts to make him aware of her warmth for him....even when he's more bothered in the act of lovemakin!
"...go find a woman...n' you'll find love."
n' truly....he finds it instantaneously when he finds her....n' strangely....he finds it even more when he loses her!
the wife. "....i saw a girl standin outside the door...n' when she walked in...i met a woman."
n' suddenly one day....she's invited to her own weddin.....for it's only a sort of information passed onto her in the otherwise busy schedule.....n' the time period she's given to take a few shots at the acceptance n' rejection theory reminds me of somethin.....the time period the nuns give to those mothers who drop their babies in the public cradle....givin 'em a chance to rethink their decision of givin away their baby n' take it back.
n' sooner...she finds every curtain that she's used to hide in have changed its length....the sky she gazed upon in the nights...has a different window pane to look through....n' finds herself not only sleepin in a bed with a man she hardly knew....but also hears for the first time the sound of man peein in the toilet that she has to share!....n' i wonder those heavy breathin that suddenly makes a quick bond with her are actually symptoms of passion n' desire or effects of not knowin how to make an appropriate reaction to the situation.
n' it makes me wonder...if those nervous n' fearful looks from the newly arrived daughter-in-law to the mother-in-law n' the glance that resembles a cocktail of trust n' mistrust by the mother-in-law to the daughter-in-law....is actually past beckonin the present....or present beckonin the past!
but all those glorious feeds of tolerance...adjustments...compromises n' submissions are suddenly brought alive by the ever hungry scrutiny theory...n' strangely enough...she survives....for she's meant to survive....for there's no way out for her but to survive....n' soon she gets absorbed n' the sound of the closin of the bra hook in the mornings reproduces the sound of the siren in the dock...underlinin the statement that the office begins....an office that promises to exploit her the most but pay her the least....n' i wonder if sometimes she cries when she closes the door after he leaves for office....not knowin exactly why.....maybe for she's taken for granted as the permanent door attendant......n' frightens me the most...deep down to my soul.....how agonizin those household chores would be.....when she cleans all those dishes...cooks all those foods...arranges all those sheets....only to make it his perfect place to live!....n' all that with an angel's smile!
n' i wonder...in that empty house....if she allows herself to think about her old lover...her first love maybe.....i wonder in those moments of solitude...if she allows herself to reconstruct all those girlish fantasies that was once a part of her...n' think a little dirty for a while! but all those unverified thoughts are interrupted by the door bell markin the arrival of the evenin when she hides all those turbulence in a single momentary smile.
n' as the moon rises in the sky...while she removes her makeup sittin in front of the mirror....i wonder if those are moments of preparation just before she transforms herself into an acrobat in the bed with him...n' strangely enough....she's also able to to deliver all the warmth of the universe even in those cold november nights.
the mother. "....i saw a child in her arms....suckin at those breasts....that seemed empty....it was rainin with the occassional thunderin.....n' i saw her naked feet in the ground in that blisterin cold."
n' i wonder if anyone can account for the pureness in that milk....even when she's accompanied with storms of the likes of twisters both external n internal....they say...."the greatest joy of bein a woman is when she becomes the mother."...n' it makes me wonder why they don't say...."the greatest joy of bein a human is when you have a mother."....for can anyone else love someone with so much uncondionality?...just because she recognizes the child to be a part of her.....but i never like my hair so much...even though it's a part of me!....n' everytime i think about it...it feels me with so much of rage...for no matter how much love a son has for her mother....his love can never match the love his mother has for him.
"...i once saw a mother in a desert....with blisters in her feet....as she was walkin with naked feet in that desert sand....cryin helplessly for help...n' when i asked her the reason....she pointed towards the small shade under a tree...where her baby was lyin....with a weak thorn in its toe."
n' she can feed him even in the middle of the night...when there's no fuel to cook the food....n' i wonder if the boy ever acknowledges those steps that she takes when she runs after him with his tiffin....when he forgets to keep it in his school bag....i wonder if one ever understands the warmth she experiences....merely by puttin a blanket when he sleeps...n' i wonder why the doctor don't presribe any medications to her alongwith her baby who has a high fever..but she gladly shares his temperature..without even showin any symptoms.
n' i wonder.....everytime she looks at her daughter...n' the sparkle i see in her eyes....is it the reflection she sees of herself of the yesteryears....i wonder everytime she looks at her daughter's slender waist....does it remind her of days when her friends used to comment on her waist to be the slimmest one in the continent!...n' i wonder if she really tells her daughter....when they both watch an old movie together.....that a young boy once had told her that her looks resembled that of the movie actress!
n' i wonder...is it "she" that she sees in her daughter.....or is it "she" that she wants to see in her daughter....when she invariantly passes all those chapters that were once embedded in her....but ironically enough....she also wants her daughter to be free from those chains of pressure n' rules....while she herself is kept tied by 'em!
n' one day...she's informed that those young ones which were put together by her....have grown up....n' ironically....they inform her themselves!...n' i wonder how can she bring that smile in her face...when her heart must be weepin out loud....when she bids 'em goodbye as they head for their own homes....just to make 'em feel that she' happy about 'em.
n' so the life of this woman....keeps on movin...on unparallel highways....n' sometimes..they must have met somewhere...on some cross junction...n' no wonder they must have looked over their shoulders to take a glimpse.
n' she rides along....n' i wonder if she's ever able to get rid of that smoke of confusions n' doubts that we go on offerin to her...day after day after day.....n' makes me wonder....whenever she looks into the sky.....lookin for those clouds as to predict the rains...as she slowly hangs those wet washed clothes...does she really look for the clouds or is it the look of an expectation...to find a miracle from the angel of mercy....it makes me wonder...whenever she sometimes scolds you for without any reason...is that actually a trait of her behaviour...or a withdrawal symptom of yet another broken promise that she had made to herself last night!
n' then she finally grows old....n' then they give her a place to lie down....n' she's allowed to hear those laughters....when they share a joke....but not allowed to take part...."for it's kind of difficult to make an old lady understand a joke."....she's allowed to enter the kitchen only when a traditional complicated meal is bein prepared which will be quite impossible without her....when she's merely wanted....searched for n' invited....when it's the time for a family photograph to fill that empty middle seat!
.....n' everytime i find her talkin to her grandchild....a grandchild of an age when he has just begun to speak his first few words....she talks about her days of youth n' those glorious stories of her golden age....n' it reminds me of that man who finally got into the movies when he was 76....only for a 30 seconds nude bathin scene!....n' i wonder how she still manages to give you the warmth when you place your head in her bony lap!
n' i can only question to myself...as why no one can ever understand that when she walks towards him....it's not merely a "she" walkin towards a "he"...but a "she" walkin towards all those hopes n' dreams....that she treasures all her life...n' somehow sees in "him".....she yearns not only to hear....but to make her believe that she's really wanted.....that she longs to be touched...not only in the bed..but beyond.
n' somethin deep within me breaks apart as a clear sign of desperation....for i can offer you nothin but a few tear drops that are circlin round my eye balls...tremblin lips n' shakin fingers as i'm writin this piece in a corner table of this open air Cafe Coffee Day.
"...i once saw this woman
n' he walked out through the door
....n' i could never make out all my life....
was she smilin or cryin after the door got closed!"
n' he walked out through the door
....n' i could never make out all my life....
was she smilin or cryin after the door got closed!"
tailpiece from the author
this entire piece is my personal recollection of the observations i made in the few women that came across my life....n' no...this is not at all a picture of the "woman" in general.....n' has no intention to inflict conflicts if this pictures don't depict the actual scenario.....but this is how i've seen a few images....that will partially reflect in this write up.
7 Comments:
Any woman who reads this is bound to glow! I feel special already! Thanks for giving the fairer sex the respect she deserves...
That was comprehensive, enormously sensitive and ...very well thought out.
Your Usual self --- brilliant
n beautiful description
couldnt be more apt n correct
well,honestly,I dragged myslef towards the end,yet I really like the ending,the period of old age.
I think it was very long,each period in itself has its own beauty and could have developed one particular one,then the reader would empathize more with the story.
The other comment that I have to give is that it is very explicit u leave nothiong to the imagination which might lie behind the length of it and the Lots of ideas that u want to convey.
I suppose u r a He and the hero is a She, but the fact that didn't interest me was to see a He all the Hopes of her,she wanted to give warmth to a He(or as u say She is Made to)but all along u never mention that she Is all the Hopes for a He.And yet again why a she is Made to,we r all the same;if a shE is Made to a He is also made to.
Oh I was just forgetting to add that I u have used a really nice language,ur metaphores r timely and nicely used and u own a great imagination.
man you are awesome.... your thoughts are just genius.. whenever i open your blog it just remind me my past when i was in college and it reminds me the best friend ,used to live in front of my room.... it just.... reminds me everything.... Love u....
@lonesome -->> ..
oh my god...how the hell did you get in....but probably if anyone can get in this place without my authorization..it has to be you...nobody else can...but probably it's because of some passwords that i like so much...n' i use 'em always....n' you know 'em all...you got in....that's cheatin...if only you could have "hacked" this place!!!!!
n' those days.....those days are gone forever "lonesome"....those days are gone forever.
no dear...i dont believe in "gone forever". its situations in which me and my best friend went apart... i dont believe but yes i know the day will come when me and my best will rule the world...
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