well i've always being questionin this to myself.....about faith n' belief....well maybe someone always does that at some point of time in life...maybe because life is showin them a bit too much....n' that they've too much time with themselves.....whatever might be the reason....the important fact to be thought about is that.... there is a "reason"......i once had a serious fight with Him....tryin to convince myself that there can't be any supreme force actin upon me when everythin is just a perfect shit case.....but now, when i feel i've grown a bit older....not because of the scars that somehow got imprinted on my soul.....but maybe because i'm startin to feel those scars more often these days than yesterday.....i guess thats a sign of oldness....i'm sure it is!...n' with this gift of oldness.....i somehow have the vision now.....that if somethings are so perfectly messed up like a perfectly co-ordinated symphony.....its gotta be controlled by some Force!
well i was never very sure about "The Origin"....."The Big Bang".....or "The Divine Plan".....until recently....when my entire set of reasonin or logic or whatever was completely repartitioned....i always have this notion of noticin stuffs....i do it all the time as if i feel proud when i notice stuffs that others don't....but i failed to notice what meanin n' side effects one single word can cast----"Accidents".....but i gotta admit that these accidents are better co-ordinated that an orchestra in some symphony....i wonder how a series of highly uncorrelated happenings gel up together n' form something so firm.....so everlastin....like some uncorrosive memory!
even now when i close my eyes.....i still get confused...."Did that really happen?"..."or i just had a dream".....but i can't allow myself to think too much on the existence of the incident or accident or whatever....but i need to decide quickly whether this pain that i'm livin in now is a bitter one or a sweeter one....for when i think about it....i feel like a wound openin....but those were the only memorable moments in my recent past that i can look back.
but how all these things started....i still couldn't figure it out....whether all those things started from the time i was born or it was all planned later....but all those perfectly seemingly unrelated incidents look so magically connected.....lemme look back....my leavin from the hostel....my witheld results.....my decision for an MTech.....those lonely nights that actually did the damage i didn't even realize....Abhishek's ongoin hunt for a job.....his decision for joinin a course......his return to his home just before my exams.....Strangers' Inc.....Gate 2005.....my mom's sudden illness n' sudden recovery.....my visit.....that rendezvous.....those sessions.....the tensions creepin in my family.....that relief that i used to get when i talked over the phone....those mails....those appreciations......that "chemistry"......too many cancelled schedules for my bangalore trip.....that longest night......that confusion.....those tears.....that bird song with four syllables that it sang that whole night!.....how can that be a fuckin accident.....there has to be somethin more to it!
these series of accidents have rebuilt the entire construct of my belief.....i firmly believe now that everything's that happenin is happenin for some reason.....n' if any reason is behind somethin......that can't be too bad!!.....i've always tried to guide myself through reason.....i've always taken refuge in logic....but now i guess its not reason that guided me......i was only a small part of this bigger complex symphony that we call "Life"......which guided me then.......n' is still guidin me now!
"We believe what we see........but its beyond what is apparent" ---------- Anonymous
I look to the stars wondering what's in store.
well i was never very sure about "The Origin"....."The Big Bang".....or "The Divine Plan".....until recently....when my entire set of reasonin or logic or whatever was completely repartitioned....i always have this notion of noticin stuffs....i do it all the time as if i feel proud when i notice stuffs that others don't....but i failed to notice what meanin n' side effects one single word can cast----"Accidents".....but i gotta admit that these accidents are better co-ordinated that an orchestra in some symphony....i wonder how a series of highly uncorrelated happenings gel up together n' form something so firm.....so everlastin....like some uncorrosive memory!
even now when i close my eyes.....i still get confused...."Did that really happen?"..."or i just had a dream".....but i can't allow myself to think too much on the existence of the incident or accident or whatever....but i need to decide quickly whether this pain that i'm livin in now is a bitter one or a sweeter one....for when i think about it....i feel like a wound openin....but those were the only memorable moments in my recent past that i can look back.
but how all these things started....i still couldn't figure it out....whether all those things started from the time i was born or it was all planned later....but all those perfectly seemingly unrelated incidents look so magically connected.....lemme look back....my leavin from the hostel....my witheld results.....my decision for an MTech.....those lonely nights that actually did the damage i didn't even realize....Abhishek's ongoin hunt for a job.....his decision for joinin a course......his return to his home just before my exams.....Strangers' Inc.....Gate 2005.....my mom's sudden illness n' sudden recovery.....my visit.....that rendezvous.....those sessions.....the tensions creepin in my family.....that relief that i used to get when i talked over the phone....those mails....those appreciations......that "chemistry"......too many cancelled schedules for my bangalore trip.....that longest night......that confusion.....those tears.....that bird song with four syllables that it sang that whole night!.....how can that be a fuckin accident.....there has to be somethin more to it!
these series of accidents have rebuilt the entire construct of my belief.....i firmly believe now that everything's that happenin is happenin for some reason.....n' if any reason is behind somethin......that can't be too bad!!.....i've always tried to guide myself through reason.....i've always taken refuge in logic....but now i guess its not reason that guided me......i was only a small part of this bigger complex symphony that we call "Life"......which guided me then.......n' is still guidin me now!
"We believe what we see........but its beyond what is apparent" ---------- Anonymous
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