dear maa

first of all you should know these're all very recent thoughts... n' not somethin' i keep on workin' on these days which is keepin' me busy in depression... n' i hate you because i can't hide it from you.. when i can pretend to the level of oscar-award-winners... but you catch me every time even though i don't agree till the very end... n' i won't stop lyin' to you n' i can promise you that.

n' just look what happened?? a boy.. a cute one infact i must add!... livin' in such a cozy warm place called home... never goin' too far from your shadow.. without any friends.. without many answers.. infact without anythin' but just you. a boy who will always fall asleep just before his dinner.. n' you need to feed him... n' so utterly useless he was... he'll still fall asleep with the food still in his mouth... n' you'll need to tell him.. "come on swallow it!".. n' he will not fall asleep after he had his dinner till he hugged you tightly enough in bed.

then why at all this journey began... n' for whom.. for what.. where i was headin'.. n' to find what.. because i don't think anythin' was in my mind... n' i ended up here... perfectly alone.. perfectly on my own ... with a perfect empty heart.. where i can't hold you like i used to when there'll be this big thunderin' in the night time n' i wake up with fear... i can't sob in your arms when i see ghost dreams.. n' i wonder why at all do i see them. i wonder about everythin' maa.. n' you gave birth to a perfect freak... n' you have to live with it.

stupidly yours,
.....


p.s. destiny seemed almost perfect. if only it wasn't so slow. even the slowness is acceptable but it's only the deliberateness in its slowness which is always killin'.... n' maybe it shouldn't always be about the reasons. because maybe the reasons have crossed the two page boundary... both sides.... heedin' to which i should have killed myself a long time back. it's only because i've ignored them all... i'm mostly not dead since then.