wish i weren't...

what you hide is your weakness. because in rare occasions you'll come across people who'll hide their strengths. n' i term it rare when i know i'm wrong because i don't think i'll find anyone who'll do so. given a situation or even without... the strength will be displayed.. not without knowledge.. but with vital deliberateness. n' i'm writin' this because i want to confess no matter how glamorous or glorious i became or maybe i wanted to become... all i was doin' was nothin' different or nothin' out of the box. i was just hidin' my weaknesses. n' that's where you put a period. nothin' glamorous or nothin' glorious to add.

i was slapped hard tonight in the place where i stay with a couple of strangers. i was slapped n' yelled at. my glasses got dislodged from my specs. i was beaten because i refused to give the magazine i bought to a 40 year old guy. n' i didn't do anythin'. not only because i couldn't which i couldn't. but i didn't. i didn't even protest... didn't make any elegant defense to counter the assault. i just stood by my point n' didn't give the magazine. by reason i proved later why i was logical n' why he wasn't. that wasn't difficult for me. but i knew... i couldn't have done anythin'. later he apologized but that didn't make me feel any better. i knew i had no part in that. he chose to feel bad about it later. n' even practically... he slapped me in front of people.. he said sorry when everyone was asleep.

but that slap had made me realize one thing... all these times i was tryin' to hide from all the people... i wasn't lookin' for somethin' different or doin' anythin' different.... i was just tryin' to hide all my incompleteness.. all the could have beens that people might still think i've.. all my weaknesses that they don't know that i've. maybe i'll still do the same. maybe i'll. but the worst part.. i still have to wake up tomorrow.. face the people who laughed at me in the other room after i was slapped n' of course the one who did it. how weak i'm... n' is there a limit to it.. because i still choose to be the same person. sorry is all i can tell myself.. as there had been so many nights like these i've passed just with shaky hands n' tremblin' tears.... as i know there couldn't be anythin' else apart from them n' an apology. i'm both ashamed of myself n' feel pity as well.. contradictin' huh!