...from the cradle to the grave.(part IV)

four hundred n' fifty days....the cuckoo did coo....three hundred n' seventy days....the sun did shine like a beast!....five times the trees did shed their leaves.....n' time did go by....it was beginnin of the new era...marked by sex....glue....coke...n' heavy metal!.....life was much spent inside cars!.....n' homes??....well those were the places that were either burned or used by people for changin clothes!....but where did the incognito jester go?....did he get blended in those cola wars....leather jackets....n' replaced souls with tatoos?...huh, huh!....he was still there though not quite there.....he was the constant back bencher for whom no one cared to bend their necks....who could only be seen in the photos of the college year books...in some far background...even where his face was only partially visible....n' he turned out to be a teenager...who had just begun to start shavin with a touch of pride!....who had just begun to discover that the male body had hair in parts he'd never had imagined a few days back!

n' those were relatively quiet years...his life centered around shorter sentences in his English lectures of the kind..."when academics seek or accept the imprimatur of intellectualism outside of their community or peer group, specially from television which can quick-fix-fast-thinking in glib thinkers in the course of a single chat show, the domain of the original thought n' serious study is being compromised, but their moral stature n' power is being rendered vulnerable to move against the current."....n' usually after readin paragraphs of such constructions...when he used expressions like "out of breathe"...he rarely used it as a metaphor...but meant it literally!...he found out that tryin to solve a calculus problem by chewin bubble gum was somethin similar to tryin to get a remedy for ones long broken love life in some idle tuesday!....the only sourse of entertainment was in n' around the botany practical laboratory where couples used to kiss....so much so that those sounds sometimes used to come out...unintentionally though!

it was an ordinary afternoon....an ordinary chemisty lecture...just when somethin extraordinary was about to happen...."roll no. 114"..."yes sir"...."roll no. 114?"...."yes sir(with a lower voice)"....."no, i don't think anyone is more smarter than me here!...the lady there...please get out of my class."....n' she did walk out of the class....n' that was not at all magical....neither predestined....it didn't deal with acts of serendipiocity....n' no cloud did burst...but he found somethin way strange within him....she appeared to him as the beauty queen from mars!...n' it was just at that moment when he lost all his innocence...just like a maiden who had lost her virginity for the first time!

n' no nothin of the fairy tale stuff did happen...where the hero takes all the blame to save his girl...n' the day ended with a soar throat n' high fever...which made him stay at his home for a whole week....which meant that he wasn't goin to see her for a whole complete week....n' it wasn't even so that he really wanted to see her.....'coz those usual acts of courtship never attracted him.....just like they still don't...but somethin way beyond his knowledge was gettin cooked....n' he feared..."were those symptoms of love?"....he hated to be in love like other used to n' he was highly relieved when the doctor confirmed that it was actually a viral infection...."Viral Actually!".

n' that long week went by...n' he finally came back to college where his eyes were lookin for someone...though he wasn't very sure why he wanted to see her again...but he did...a girl with long hair...who still dared to wear skirts that rolled down below the knees...somethin that stood out in the throng of long bare legs!....n' a girl who never used to take out her cosmetic box in front of the boys.....like most of 'em did...as a first step of seduction!...who still wore plain lipstick n' "kajal" as her only makeup...the girl who never gambled with each other for the place in the backseat of the fanciest bike of the college.

n' for the next few days....he swung back n' forth between reasons n' fallacies....when his first attraction soon turned into an urge...which soon turned into some passionate habit...n' it was just that....n' nothin more happened to be described or narrated...n' for a moment i thought....i shall stop here...but i guess that would be some form of injustice to the passive love that he possessed....at least he deserves some passive sentences!

he soon realized that what he felt for her was somethin very special...though he still hated to categorize that to love for the image that love bore in those days....where kissin in the botany laboratory was almost a post requisite as a proof of love!....but somethin like love did flow around him....n he made a promise to himself that he'd continue to share this feelin with himself as long as he could...but without any form of expression....n' why did he chose to make such a promise....well no one could ever understand that....but he knew exactly what he did....unlike the stereotype love affairs of those times....he wanted his one track love affair to stand out....he felt that his love affair would be complete only if it happened to be an unconditional one....n' so he promised to himself that he won't be expectin anythin back...not even love.

his action was more like a backfire to those times that he had been through....where he wanted to make this presence felt in this own simple way...but even that couldn't overshadow what he felt for her...somethin which only he knew....the chemistry of which was stronger than the strongest covalent bonds...n' he didn't let the girl or anyone else to have the slightest hint of even a possibility of love.

but sooner he realized that those pleasant sessions of insanity when he merely thought about her...by lockin the doors...so that he was never caught in between those acts of insanity...had turned to be quite painful durin times....he soon began to realize that the promise he had made wasn't the easiest one to be kept....but he never regretted...but soon found out that those nights had grown a little bit longer...n' a little bit colder!...his pain had grown both in magnitude n' in direction for the unrequited emotions which he preserved...n' for those non-expressive expressions of those wounds which were a part of this soul.

n' there were hours of arguments when he actually agrued with himself...questionin his idea of expression of love with more than valid reasons...but all his logic failed when he asked himself one question...."how can i ask or rather even want her to love me back just because i happen to love her?"....n' he could think of no better expression than he had for his love...which he had begun to belive that it could be one of those unconditional love...though he never bothered to fall into the technicality!

but times were harsh...when there were moments he could resist no more....n' all his pain bursted n' flooded through his eyes....he used to sit under a broken street light...n' cursed the heavens...not for his personal situation...but for the universal phenomenon as to why men were not allowed to cry in the public...yet he had failed every attempt to make him understand the reasons for those tears....as nothin had happened unreasonably or unintentionally...but what he exactly chose..but still those unreasonable yet meaningful tears did flow....but not for a single moment he thought for any expression or confession to be a part of his romance.

still in continuation....