just not enough....

somehow.... huh?.. yeah somehow. i mean i get these thoughts somehow.... specially in all those lonesome sundays. n’ it’s kind of funny.... that you only feel lonelier not because you’re away from your home... or your best friend watched you walk out of his room just like he watched you walk out of his life n’ said probably nothin’ much or rather nothin’ at all to stop you..... but you’re feelin’ lonelier for your television isn’t workin’ or the cable guys are on the strike..... i mean i know it’s already kind of depressin’ when a box has so much influence over your whole life..... but it’s also kind of funny in a way. i don’t know why.... maybe because i can feel i can control my life with the piece of remote in my hand... although i know that’s not possible.... but i also know a lot more than that.... n’ i can pretend too!

i don’t know when did it all start.... maybe it started a long time back..... i never used to get late in my school.... i mean when i say never... it’s not somethin’ like “never” but most of the times... n’ the few times that i got late.... i mean they can be ignored..... i mean people have ignored far important facts than that.... but that was not the point. what i wanted to write is .... i never used to get late...... but somehow i always used to get this feelin’ that i’m never on time. probably that was a faithful feelin’ showin’ a great deal of fidelity till now. no matter how much i try.... i always get late.

i don’t know why but i want to have a father son talk today. it’s not that i have such kind of talks with my father... things are still quite simpler with me n’ him. but still want to have somethin’ like this. probably a walk by the lake would be even better!

n’ today i don’t quite agree with pink floyd when they said somethin’ like “numbers hardly matter if the right one walks out of your door” ... i don’t know if i got the words right.... but i’m sure it was somethin’ like this. but i guess numbers do matter. because no matter who you’re..... how much you’ve achieved or how much you’ve lost..... it’s only the people around you who makes you feel that you’re a beautiful person. it’s very hard for yourself to make you feel like that all by yourself. n’ now i don’t really know if feelin’ like that is how important for me...or is it necessary at all.

but i can’t stop makin’ this confession to myself that i feel different today.... like you feel when someone fired you from your job..... somethin’ like you’re completely out of work...out of time....out of space.

bein’ busy is not just doin’ a whole lot of work everyday....day in n’ day out..... n’ when you come back from your office.... the work load got so much overshootin’ that you fall asleep as soon as you slam your door hard.... naah i don’t think so..... i feel it’s only the happiness that keeps you real busy.... so busy that you don’t get hurt... you don’t feel bad... you don’t feel tired.... for you only feel you’re busy.... real busy with your happiness.

       

..... there’s so much of a difference between yesterday’s n’ today’s. but when i look at the today’s n’ the tomorrow’s.... it’s just the same.

       

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