n’ i still look for....

it’s always been hard for me to sleep with reality..... for it’s cold. n’ memories i never want to rely on much for i also need to carry the dragnet along..... n’ dragnets have always been so partial...so biased. n’ no..... i need not be ashamed...... ashamed of myself. even when i know now ......maybe i knew it all along. those were sheaths of lies that i was wrappin’ myself around. lies... the close cousin to hopes. can fill the void so hopelessly. n’ i won’t be shameful for i relied on lies to make myself happy..... as i was only tryin’ to walk on the road i refer to as “happiness”...... the responsibility i’ve for myself made me do so.

but i regret once again more for the truths i had to accept in the end than the lies i could ignore no longer. n’ i once again look for one honest liar..... that can lie to me for a lifetime. one who can conceal the truth in the depth of oceans.... in the height of the mountains... in the darkness of an eclipse. i look for that liar who’ll always say those lies relentlessly. lies ....what i want to hear. lies that are always so beautiful. i look for someone who can permanently keep me far from this truth.

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