love n’ god....

had long phone conversations last night...... with friends... some of them who’re closer than the heartbeat..... some of them who couldn’t get close enough........ but strangely enough the longest conversation happened with the latter one. it’s kind of surreal.... few happenings that you n’ i consider to be mishappenings for it gave a few heartbeats which seemed like more of a noise.... can actually bring two persons..... with differin’ attitude.... thoughts n’ conclusions on most of the things.... so close... n’ so understandable to each other. somethin’ like “my class teacher slapped me for no reason”... “yeah he did that to me too”... n’ then it gets so easy. n’ yet again..... few seemingly random events were infact closely tied together. we touched the knots last night as we talked. touchin’ somethin’ while talkin’ always excites me.... or atleast makes me feel that it’s better than talkin’ without touchin’!

i’m havin’ doubts that i believe are stranger... n’ are kind of new to me....it looks so. i thought i loved a lot of people.... i think i love a lot of people..... n’ that’s the worst part of love i hate so much. it’s always so stubborn. you just can’t stop lovin’ them once you know you’ve started to. but sooner or later..... all my beliefs over love is largely recedin’. not because of the nature of love.... or nature of anyone else.

       

when i thought i loved you.....i loved you all.... n’ i wanted to love you more.... until the point where there ain’t no possibility of no more.... so that i can love you once again from the start.... till i reach that point again. but i didn’t love you. i loved a person i thought it was you.... i loved a person i thought i saw in you. n’ now when i’m not too sure if you’re that person.... i still couldn’t stop lovin’ you.

       

i always believed in god... even though i never went to any worshippin’ place or folded my hands but did it in my own way. but i always had this one doubt in my mind. if “you” control everthin’ else.... n’ like they say... “you” could do quite a lot of things. then why oh why you’ve erased every possible trace of yours.... n’ everytime we need to believe in “you” rather than knowin’ “you” ....even a little bit. maybe i know it now. for believin’ in god is very much like lovin’ someone deeply. but “you” wanted to make sure that believin’ in “you” mostly works...unlike the love thing. n’ i believe all our beliefs regardin’ “you” are steadfast while the love shakes off afterwards.... is because we don’t believe in “you”.... we only believe in someone n’ consider that someone to be “you”. n’ we never get to know who actually that “you” is.....n’ so we remain faithful..n’ our beliefs remain safe for all of our lives. now i feel even the love thing can be pretty much “eternal” if we make sure that we never try to know the person we love n’ continue with the love process. i believe if we can do that... then few things could last forever!

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