dear strange times

can i raise a toast to celebrate our age old friendship? or more than "can-i".... do i really want to?...hmm. want to. i don't even know if i actually don't know what i want or maybe i had just forgotten what i wanted. because i find it absolutely strange when i see i'm still doin' things which is so not me.... but doin' it... maybe just to stay in the game...... talkin' everythin' in a way because i know this is what they want to hear. n' yeah... you can call me hypocrite... but most of the times... i call myself a coward.

someone found it to be good when i said i was watchin' tv.... n' i felt what so good about it huh?... because the only reason i watch tv is to live the life maybe just for a while which is showcased in it... because i know ... i can't have that life... because i know.... "A Girl Next Door" can never exist in real.

because i'm not so sure... if i regret more for bein' a colorblind... or for the lack of people who don't even know my favourite color even in my limited set.

but what makes you even stranger is... i still managed to read both opel n' jessica.... yeah i've gone through kundera as well.... infact three of 'em.... n' to add more salt to you.... i'm also gonna go for mcinerney n' chbosky.... yeah i had three breakups.... but i still have the guts to lie that i'm still engaged.... when everyone else who claims to be figured out... who does everythin' because they've got ample reasons for doin' it.... n' feel that everyone who's not on their side is on the wrong side.... judgin' so comfortably that their reasons would hold correct generally..... when even confusion is not somethin' new.... i try with everyone .. to convince everyone else.... so that they exactly agree what we think... which is another way of sayin' makin' them think what we think.... but wouldn't it be absolutely borin' when all of think exactly in the same way.

eyes digging deeply yours,
....