if good were better....

it’s rather strange. we never tend to realize how much we love someone. we never tend to realize the degrees beyond which we can bend our lives for the ones we love. probably i don’t even tend to realize if i still love a person n’ i surprise myself so often rather than anyone else when i come to know about it durin’ certain times.... n’ then, i’m never more sure of it than anythin’ else.

n’ it was a strange night. definitely not the longest one for i still remember the one which already happened. n’ i desperately hope that i don’t have to re-live it once again. but i can’t really explain the uniqueness of this particular last night. probably it was more or less a same one technically speakin’. but i liked the night probably because the breakin’ dawn saw me waitin’ for it. n’ i really did wait for it. when i still kept on lookin’ at the moon as it was fast disappearin’. it was probably pre-daybreak. the sun wasn’t bright enough n’ i could still boast my left over courage by starin’ into it.

i was sittin’ on the park bench for quite a while then. the joggers were late this time. n’ i was thinkin’ that i must be lookin’ incredibly smart or incredibly stupid as almost everyone was givin’ strange looks to me. probably the reason was my sittin’ on the park bench. but what so odd about it anyway. i mean florentino ariza did that a few years ago. n’ moreover i was doin’ somethin’ which was meant to be done on a park bench.... was harmlessly sittin’ on it imposin’ no threat whatsoever neither to the society.... nor to the planet.

n’ so i started walkin’ although i didn’t want to. n’ i saw few young girls with exceedingly tight pants. i thought that might be one of the reasons of the parks in the field of health contribution. girls in tight pants can easily improve anybody’s health. atleast it can improve mine. n’ i saw a dog starin’ at her ass. n’ i thought i saw somethin’ else. i felt the dog was starin’ at her ass just the same way i did. n’ somehow i felt he must have felt exactly the same kind of emotions as i did. n’ that depressed me a bit. it was somethin’ like as if i was writin’ a book about me.... n’ in one chapter.... the beginnin’ lines were. “n’ there was this one dawn in my life which was different than the rest when i realized for the first time after 24 years of livin’ that i was more or less a dog”. that didn’t make me feel much good. so i began to think of somethin’ else. i don’t quite remember what i thought.... but i definitely did think of somethin’ else.

       

i might have walked away if only i could have relied on the good. but i guess i’ll hang around till good becomes better. n’ who knows... maybe more?

       

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