life is mostly amazin’.....

yeah i’m sayin’ this on behalf of my neighbors. for me..... life has mostly been just life. nothin’ more. it has more often acted like an adjective. my friend, a good one, says that i’ve seen it a lot. n’ i immediately believe him when he says somethin’ like that. i don’t know why. but it’s rather strange that life always shows somethin’ more than just that. as if there’s always some trail of film which is leftover after the “the end” board. the element of surprise is becomin’ more n’ more, less surprisin’. but i still end up bein’ suprised.

love was just like the one legged man in the kick boxin' competition. it just didn't have enough time for me. it was always in some sort of a hurry n’ fell off anytime without much of a warning. it had a fate of someone like an undercover agent who was just not sure when his cover would blow up. but i still feel capable enough to give somethin’ more but i just couldn’t dare to ask no one nothin’..... no matter how much i want.

if dreams were like movies then memories were films about ghosts. some looked good.... only on the first watch..... others looked better when i saw them repeatedly.... sometimes even in slow motion. but like every other movie.... it had an endin’... mostly happy endings for i really liked happy endings. but i still couldn’t ignore the fact that it always ended.... n’ there was no point in keepin’ the tape still inside the player. i had to replace it with another one which soon was to be replaced by another one.

n’ no i’m not tryin’ to give any sort of respect to my life or writin’ any sort of tribute-essay. i’m not even raisin’ a toast as a mark of exclamation. for guys like me never fit in much into raising-the-toast kinda category. n’ thank god they don’t. otherwise it’d be somethin’ really borin’.... somethin’ like changin’ a fused bulb. but somehow i’ve always seen characters like holden caulfield, timothy conroy..... even florentino ariza(i don’t know why) growin’ up with me. i wouldn’t say i had compared myself with them or i had some sort of competition... or i had started becomin’ like them.... but as i quote now... “it’s like livin’ them!”. n’ that was obviously not my line. i liked them for they were really very funny. but somehow.... life was always funnier than them or for that matter anyone else. i just wanted to say however practical it went somewhere.... that humor was still supposed to be funny. n’ i’m beginnin’ to like it i guess or i’m atleast beginnin’ to write that i like it.

n’ it’s rather sad that on such an important day of my life when i actually want to talk about me n’ my life.... i couldn’t think of a single soul who’ll be least interested in listenin’.... let alone understandin’ that why i’m tryin’ to tell it after all.... rather than understandin’ what i’m tryin’ to say. but i’ve to write it down on a lousy blog page talkin’ to some anonymous server which is fully automated n’ i don’t even know where it’s located. but i still felt it was better than just constructin’ some meaningful sentences that took more than just years to build up in the still-present-sensitive part of my brain n’ forgettin’ them almost instantaneously.... because only today i got to realize that although i’ve brilliant rememberin’ capabilities... i’ve a far too accurate forgettin’ key knowledge that i could never include in my resume.

it’s definitely hasn’t been so good so far... but the good thing still to live with.... it hasn’t been the worst either. n’ these are only my last joules of energy still left within me after which probably there’ll be a complete blackout. well i’m definitely exaggeratin’ here but that’s what you do while bloggin’.

       

well... when men rush in... it’s pretty obvious that the lilies would get crushed on their way. but it’d be foolish not to expect those lilies growin’ back.... just like it’d be foolish as well to expect those men not to rush in again. n’ after all these years.... i won’t say i’ve lost my faith or i’ve kept it when i’ve stopped complainin’. for then i had already realized that i never belonged to this planet n’ accepted that things couldn’t just be happenin’.

n’ i fell down just now. don’t worry. it was on my bed.... but still don’t neglect the fall though. i didn’t much like dyin’ for it was all too serious n’ borin’. but i always felt sleepin’ as fun not because it was fun as such... but it was more fun than keepin’ awake. i just want to go to sleep. no. not just a sleep. a d16 super cryogenic sleep. yeah. that sounded much better even though i don’t know what it’d mean when translated to english..... so that i could sleep forever hopin’ never to wake up again.

       

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