what happened?

it was all ok isn’t it..... n’ then somethin’ happened. you never figured out what. but you knew somethin’ did. somethin’ terribly wrong. n’ the only thing you began doin’ is lookin’ back although you got completely lost in directions. n’ you started usin’ your fingers just to help yourself count. but you counted what? numbers...... distances...... what?

did you change? maybe you did.... maybe you didn’t. n’ what about the rest. one word that comes to my mind is categorization. but it’s not the truth that i’m givin’ you right now. for there is no truth. but categories came in what gave birth to the confusions of the first order. categories........ one that look silently into the empty glass.... the other thinkin’ of grabbin’ that empty glass in some hurried motion n’ throwin’ it at the wall..... n’ the other actually doin’ it...... sub categories came into your observation then. the ones who felt bad after shatterin’ the glass....... n’ the other which didn’t. sub-subcategorizations....... the ones who felt bad got divided into the ones who didn’t feel bad after a while.......... n’ the other who never felt better again. further subdivisions...... subdivisions resemblin’ cell division...... each cell division creatin’ its own symbol...... symbols that isolated each one of us even further.

then few of us exchanged symbols...... creatin’ yet another elegant approach of usin’ the phenomenon called "convenience". few of them knew exactly what they were doin’. others..... not quite. the ones who were takin’ the lead didn’t necessarily know what they were doin’ but thought they did. the others who didn’t know what they were doin’ either got lost or followed the ones who had goals. so the ones without the goals followed the ones with the goals. n’ after a while...... they mistook someone else’s goals to be their own.

now where is it all goin’? but more important than when is it goin’ to end is when did it all start? where did it all start? why did it all start? but do you need to look everywhere to find this answer? are you still lookin’ at your finger but don’t know where to point at? are you still confused when all you need to do is find yourself a mirror. someone asked you to be afraid n’ you became afraid.... but for how long? n’ who told you to be afraid. no .... don’t look for a name who apparently did that.... but who? was it fear again in general..... the cosmic fear.... but what were you really afraid of? was it the darkness you were afraid of that hid everythin’ else...... or was it the light you were afraid of showin’ you everythin’ that you never wanted to see?

or was it loss of hope. but when did you actually start to hope? was it before you actually knew about the word or did you start doin’ it even before that. but more important question than when is where. where did this hope lead you to? well it led you to many places.... i can already make this assumption n’ also boast on it’s generality. but there’s one more generality that dwells around this subject. pain. hope more or less took you in the vicinity of pain if not completely to it. but it’s again the question of when. when did you first feel that you’ve been a victim of pain? was it only after you had that knowledge about pain but not bein’ a direct victim of it........ the time when you felt you’re no longer ignorant. are you still proud of your knowledge? no it’s not a question of yes or no..... but it’s only a question that seeks no answer. but there’re a few more questions. questions like what did knowledge give us. is it the truth? but are we able enough to claim that our knowledge has found us the truth when we’re never so sure about what truth is. but what did it give us then for sure? my primary answer to this will be the art of protestin’. our knowledge showed us exactly how to protest........ how not to accept anythin’........ whether it is acceptable or unacceptable. but what else did it give us? it gave us one more thing..... which can be rated as somethin’ really important. it taught us how to build the machines that brought our ideas into motion. no i’m not talkin’ only about the mechanical machines but the psychological ones as well. it was our knowledge which helped us to conceive our own ideas...... n’ it was still our own knowledge which helped us to conceive only our own ideas.

but the primary consequence of this behavior rendered us lonelier..... for everybody ignored everybody else’s ideas where there came a point when everybody started waitin’. but what were they waitin’ for? n’ more important than that....... were they still believin’ that their wait will end one day? or was there a sense of belief that was developin’ inside them that there’s nothin’ left to believe.

but still you were never short of believin’ institutions. you created a new one whenever you felt you’re short of it. you brought in more idols to worship.... more religions to follow...... n’ you made sure the idols represented the religions......... although you knew absolutely nothin’ about the souls residin’ inside those idols but you seemed to know almost everythin’ about those religions.

n’ what happened afterwards? you got involved in the art of critisizin’ .... probably for n’ against anyone comin’ by your side.... n’ by the end of the 20th century...... you were the supreme practitioner of this art..... which then gave you the authority of judgement. judgement not based on evidences but opinions. opinions that always varied. opinions that only took you farther n’ farther.

but where is it that it’s leadin’ us? n’ why is there a different destination point for each one of us? n’ if there’re so many ways that are gettin’ formed....... why don’t a few get twisted around n’ get mingled?

do you still believe in randomness........ or let me give you another word for it...... chaos. but let me give you one more piece of information..... chaos is not necessarily random but anythin’ that depicts randomness or when the relations connectin’ one another are still unknown to us is chaos. n’ the real definition seeks nothin’ from our knowledge. don’t you still feel that every road is windin’ to one destination...... every door reachin’ one room....... every elevator stoppin’ at one floor...... every line coincidin’ at one point. yes you’ve guessed it...... it’s chaos. that was exactly the plan whoever made the plan. from simpler to complex........ from balanced to unbalanced.... from order to chaos.

but chaos doesn’t demand fear........ it only demands attention. though it doesn’t state it...... but it’s tryin’ to grab it if you’re not payin’ it. i’m sayin’ it doesn’t require fear for it’s only a part of a plan. n’ plans have goals...... plans have consequences. plans have a dream. chaos is only a part of this plan which unfortunately we don’t seem to know..... but we never have to know it when we’re just asked to be spectators.

       

it’s not what you know....... n’ it’s not even what you want to find out..... but it’s what you don’t. no...... it’s not also the question of freedom. for freedom seeks price. more often bigger than you can pay. it’s only a time to stop. stop tryin’ to reveal the faces behind the masks. masks that have a purpose. they were made with a purpose n’ they were worn with a purpose as well. stop diggin’ for those truths..... for if they’re wearin’ a mask of lies....... it’s done with a purpose.

       

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