god knows i'm happy...

well i probably figured out today......it's very difficult to define what happiness is....for if you scrutinize factors that lead you to it...or rather through it..for that's how you feel......you find those factors very unreliable...but strangely..they tend to work!

somethin happened today that made me so happy...n' it made me think when was the last time i got happy for such reasonless happiness.....first thing that came to my mind was when i had the sizzlin brownie n' i got a free t-shirt alongwith it......i can't really explain why i was so happy...but it actually brought a real...true..n' meaningful smile all in n' around my face...

i become extremely happy when i buy "branded" clothes in some heavy discount sale.....happiness that kisses me when i buy a book....i tend to look at that book for a while before i actually begin to read it.....the smell of the pages...all so new...makes me r-e-a-l-l-y happy....recently when i bought my new wallet...i thought i was pretty much happy....i didn't feel like fillin that wallet....n' i kept on lookin at it for a long time....n' finally when it was actually made to use....i ended up tellin about it...that i'd bought a new wallet..to possibly every person that happened to talk to me....even told about it to people very far away from me...n' infact ...while doin so...i ended up bein even happier...because someone gave such a weird reaction when i told about it...alright...weird maybe a little too strong...but this was definitely not from the shelf!!..."why?...why did you buy a wallet?..didn't you have one before?"...these were the exact words....n' these words actually made me happy....somethin i can't explain....for probably there were no valid reasons for that....but still....maybe there were a few invalid reasons!

n' today...i met my two friends...n' i'm so happy....n' strangely enough...i can very well disguise all my sufferings n' pain that i go through...i somehow can still bring that smilin face....but couldn't really hide the happiness from my face..from my voice....it's so radiant...."n" first came up...venue – "forum" .... the usual statements first of all to start off....n' then came the weird ones!!..."it's really been a while since the last time i met you"..."yeah..even i'm meetin you after a long time"...."now what's that suppose to mean?? huh!..if i'm meetin you after a long time...that will easily hold for both of us ..isn't it?"....n' that's how it all began.....n' before that ....actually i received a compliment from "n"...that i was lookin real young..like in the college...which really made me quite happy....for this age issue was really botherin me for a while....had a brief 7 minute discussion with madhatter over phone...somethings which he never liked...this was one of those topics...he belongs to that category who don't really wanna see me fallin...n' always keeps on sayin this..on n' on....that i'm yet to see my best!....[just somethin off the record....i'm so in love with you madhatter.... n' believe me....if it was in the vicinity of possibilitihood...i was "so" gonna make love to you!!....but poor(or lucky) us!! **sigh**]...but i was not very concerned about physical oldness....but when "n" gave this compliment...i took that completely...n' didn't really bother to examine its physiology.

we both were standin right in front of "transit"...which we termed as "gate 2"...one of our code words among those many!....when "n" was axiomatizin the likings of the girl community for "nik-nish"...when it was just about to fall under the 7 minute discussion category..."b" showed up....n' strangely enough...he gave me the same compliment....n' honestly speakin .....i was blushin a bit ...but did well to conceal it...like i'm always so good in it!...for blushin i was...more so....for all three of us were more or less of the the same age group....n' when the other two were actually acceptin it about my age issue....the younger thing...i mean i felt i shouldn't be takin oldness as a issue anymore...or atleast for a while!

n' then the discussions went .....exactly in the directions it should have....in short....in those unmarooned lands of stupidity...where reasons definitely took a back seat....n' has no real intentions to come to the front seat for a while....n' though we didn't really talk for a single moment about our days gone by.....it was still somekind of an artistic flash back.....where topics actually flew.....when "b" actually points towards the pretty girls in his strange code language....where he actually refers to 'em by their race...yeah it's pretty strange..but even more strange...we're gettin used to it..n' trace his pick without any real efforts....."caucasoid look....see the aryan"....when we actually played the role of those critics when we saw probably all sorts of low cuts that a woman could acutally wear!!..infact we're closely approachin a 7 minute discussion if those "burkha wali's" indulged 'em selves with low cuts beneath those shades of blackness.....talked about my recent failures...n' could actually laugh over 'em.....the strange accent of the american lady n' her even stranger "ok's"....that perhaps "dis-"ok-"eyed" all my month long efforts....i mean we laughed about 'em.....probably that's the best way to get rid of your blues...ride alongwith it!..n' it works.

n' the whole evenin ended up with such a strikin chord...madhatter called...now it's nothin at all like that he calls me very infrequently....infact we barely remain "un"talked...but his call was all that i was wantin then...for a slight absence was strikin me...probably way back in my mind..but that was there..n' his call really made that gone.......n' even he could feel it that i was really really high....damn...i still can't hide my happiness... n' i so easily could feel it...that he was growin a bit happy too...to hear me happy.....that's sweet of you...."that's why i said thank you ...you dumbo!"...but "nevermind??"..."i mean why?"...but whatever....i'm really touched by this happiness....a lot....now lately i get scared by such happiness....for it's always succeeded by somethin real bad....but today...i really want to ignore all of 'em..not because i've started to believe that they won't get repeated....maybe they'll....maybe they won't...but for this moment ....i just want to be happy....really purely happy!

p.s. here's raisin a toast to my happiness!
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