..."I'm learning that if I just go on accepting the framework for life that others have given me, if I fail to make my own choices, the reason for my life will be missing. I'll be unable to recognize that I've the power to change.
....I refuse to spend my life regretting the things I failed to do.."---- Liv Ullmann, in Choices.
the phone bell rang...n' i'd to interrupt my dinner...which was anyway a forced one.....i only chose to have it....finishin it was never taken into consideration!.....a friendly voice.....few years ago...even more friendlier n' familiar....but these years wash away more than these rains do....for it does!....n' his voice n' this random conversation that was inhibitedly headin for some direction made me realize somethin....that probably i was thinkin about him for these last couple of days.......some thought process that don't belong to the sittin on your arm chair ....body rockin synchronously with your mind language....each breath acceptin or rejectin a new corollary...huh-huh!.....but belong to that genre that trespass your mind in a quick movement....you realize that somethin you just thought...but couldn't quite recall when you did it......for that must have been with me when i thought about him...not quite like a deja vu....but somethin like it!
for i wasn't able to correlate his recent achievement with his energy level....i'm not bein judgemental....not even cynnical....but a bit worried.....worried more of the situation.....if delayed success takes it all away....but even that wasn't the real issue of my concern......for i saw somethin else....when i tried to look behind...beneath......things around...
we all make some choices....we go on doin it since we're born....who knows.....perhaps we make a choice even before that!...we choose whom to love more.....dad or mom.....we choose what drink we like to have.....n' it doesn't matter what we've in the end...for that frown or smile tells the artist what picture he has to draw.....sometimes we choose to cry on a monday mornin before the school opens after saturday n' sunday holidays.....we choose to do a homework...or skip it...no matter if we stand on one leg after the class for that.......we choose to say a yes or a no to someone....we choose to laugh...we choose to cry....we choose to live...n' sometimes...we choose to die.
but the big question....what leads us to 'em...i mean the choices...reason?...umm!....not always...some choices are so instinctive..not even instinctive sometimes.....we can only say we just make 'em.......i've made a few like 'em....n' when i look back now...n' ask one simple question..."why?"....i find perfect silence...definin vacuum!
then if not reason ...what.....some rush of blood flow...some neural activity in the central part of the brain.....what....but each of the choices we make carry serious consequences.....n' ironically...we only see a part of 'em when we're about to make those choices.....at this moment..i can quite effortlessly comment on few of the choices that i made once...."they're wrong"...but only because i know the conclusion now....n' maybe the conclusion is makin the picture an incorrect one...not the choices.
but the saddest part....we spend most of our lives in seekin consolation n' regrettin over the choices we made n' the choices we didn't make....sometimes i feel we become too harsh on 'em....even the wind is not biased...for it flows in the same way over the scented flowers....n' the dead man's ashes......but all our regrets are always so biased...so judgemental.
the choice still demands a statement!...a formulation maybe....as to why you make 'em...n' why you regret after that?...why no one ever taught us to make choices for everyone insisted their ways on us...which we never liked...but still we hold our degrees in makin 'em!......are choices only half chances?....who actually decides the reason that justifies these choices?
for i wasn't able to correlate his recent achievement with his energy level....i'm not bein judgemental....not even cynnical....but a bit worried.....worried more of the situation.....if delayed success takes it all away....but even that wasn't the real issue of my concern......for i saw somethin else....when i tried to look behind...beneath......things around...
we all make some choices....we go on doin it since we're born....who knows.....perhaps we make a choice even before that!...we choose whom to love more.....dad or mom.....we choose what drink we like to have.....n' it doesn't matter what we've in the end...for that frown or smile tells the artist what picture he has to draw.....sometimes we choose to cry on a monday mornin before the school opens after saturday n' sunday holidays.....we choose to do a homework...or skip it...no matter if we stand on one leg after the class for that.......we choose to say a yes or a no to someone....we choose to laugh...we choose to cry....we choose to live...n' sometimes...we choose to die.
but the big question....what leads us to 'em...i mean the choices...reason?...umm!....not always...some choices are so instinctive..not even instinctive sometimes.....we can only say we just make 'em.......i've made a few like 'em....n' when i look back now...n' ask one simple question..."why?"....i find perfect silence...definin vacuum!
then if not reason ...what.....some rush of blood flow...some neural activity in the central part of the brain.....what....but each of the choices we make carry serious consequences.....n' ironically...we only see a part of 'em when we're about to make those choices.....at this moment..i can quite effortlessly comment on few of the choices that i made once...."they're wrong"...but only because i know the conclusion now....n' maybe the conclusion is makin the picture an incorrect one...not the choices.
but the saddest part....we spend most of our lives in seekin consolation n' regrettin over the choices we made n' the choices we didn't make....sometimes i feel we become too harsh on 'em....even the wind is not biased...for it flows in the same way over the scented flowers....n' the dead man's ashes......but all our regrets are always so biased...so judgemental.
the choice still demands a statement!...a formulation maybe....as to why you make 'em...n' why you regret after that?...why no one ever taught us to make choices for everyone insisted their ways on us...which we never liked...but still we hold our degrees in makin 'em!......are choices only half chances?....who actually decides the reason that justifies these choices?
p.s. "everytime i talk to you...you unexpectedly say the right words!"
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5 Comments:
WE make our choices. And close doors beihnd us. You walk into a new room, new people, place. you cant go back. and you cant go back.
some choices we make out of compulsion, some becuase its our will.. its hard to tell what is wrong and what is right.
but once made, somethings are not possible to go back to.
i dont believe there is a right path or a wrong path, once you have embarked upon something - it in many ways becomes the only path.
@dreamcatcher -->> ..
first of all..i'd really like to say somethin with a serious note....i really became somethin if you allow me to use that word....i became "excited" to know your opinion.....n' trust me..somehow i can feel what your views are.
WE make our choices
...n' now don't freak out...sometimes i've doubts...do WE make those choices?..for at times when i look back..i feel they're not mine!
And close doors beihnd us.
....very true....but damn those walls...for few of 'em have some holes...who won't let you come inside but tell you all the times ...what's there in the other side.
You walk into a new room, new people, place. you cant go back.
...that's good isn't it....i feel so.
some choices we make out of compulsion, some becuase its our will
...but what actually made you choose to be compelled.....n' who chose to dictate your will..............hey don't freak out.....i don't wanna create an everlastin argument...i get what you want to say..n' probably i agree what you say.
p.s. ....it's been such a long time since the last time we came into such a conversation...seriously dc...i miss those times...i wish if i can walk back!
take care.
@dreamcatcher -->> ..
just for the record!!....i'm not at all studyin right now!!..n' hey ...lemme think...what are you doin????
studyin kya??....800 pages?? !!!!
Ok, sometimes we think we've shut the door behind us. we've banged it shut, but there's a tiny gap - we hope that someone will find us. Maybe. bother to look beyond the shut door.Search, persevere, persuade. In my case "please'(though i would have tried that much earlier if I would have known)
it aint impossible, ppl have their majboori's, but it is possible to get back things, to unlock a door.
But that's kinda rare.
@dreamcatcher -->> ..
grrr!!..there she goes...with her primary weapon....now this ain't fair!!!!!
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